The Baers Den Grows: April 2010

I am deeply saddened to say that I am starting to rethink this placement and maybe fostering.....I really hate to face the reality of it for John and Elizabeth. I just feel like I am drowning in puke, pee, poop and snot. Not to mention the never ending doctors' appointments and medical testing, and then there is the horrible child welfare system that we are all subjected to be a part of. This system is not designed for the welfare of the children but instead how the government can cut costs at the expense of the kids. The rights of the parents outweighs the interests of the children by 10 to 1.

Last week we found out that the kids' case manager had quit her job (not that I blame her) and to date no one has been assigned to take her place. I have been told that they are extremely short staffed due to budget cuts and people quitting as their pay has been cut. Tomorrow is court and I am really not sure who knows this case well enough to represent it to a judge.....but the reality is that I don't think it really matters. Mom is going to get these kids back at some point and will never be the mom that these kids deserve! I am feeling so down right now that I really don't care if John is ordered back tomorrow but I know that won't happen because 5 weeks after mom moved, no one has done her homestudy yet so it cannot happen.

John continues to have more accidents than I can handle, I think even Don is tired of clean up. The daycare that I finally got them both in is not sure if they will allow him to stay because they don't want to clean them up. No one has an answer how to help him and make the regression improve anytime soon. He continues to be hyperactive, rude and bossy but then again sweet at times. I totally see in him the domestic violence that he witnessed, to him that is the normal way to treat people. He has gone from not being able to count to 3 just 6 weeks ago to consistently counting to 12. He is quickly learning his alphabet too! But then John does something terribly disturbing and I find myself dreading being with him. Not a proud thing to admit.

Elizabeth really is a mess. She screams more than anyone wants to listen to, hours on end if not the center of my attention. She does this to her daycare lady too! Her feeding issues are better! However, we went to a pulminologist last week and he is suspicious she has cystic fibrosis. If you are someone who has known me long you know that this disease is near to my heart. A fellow classmate of mine from elementary through high school (he was also a neighbor) had it and also a close friend of mine in high school had it. They both passed away at young ages and I know the really sad reality of it. I am praying constantly that it is not Elizabeth's future. She has all the symptoms and today the pediatrician seemed to agree with the pulmonologist:( Nothing less than heartbreaking.

I would like to recap my last day and a half so you all can see what a day in the life is and please be honest if I am not being right to question my decision:
Tuesday
6:00 up and at am to shower, etc
6:50 get kids up and fed
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth, dress boys brush teeth
7:35 leave to take John to school
8:00 drop John off
8:20 return home to pack Elizabeth food for feeding therapy
8:45 leave to drive to South Fort Myers
9:30 therapy for Elizabeth and Oliver
11:25 a.m. - leave PT, OT and feeding for Elizabeth with bio-mom and grandpa/speech for Oliver in South Fort Myers (Healthpark)
11:25-12:15 drive back to North Fort Myers to drop Elizabeth off at daycare/feed Oliver and I McDonalds in the car on the way
12:30 p.m. - pick up John
1:00 - arrive home and fold two loads laundry
1:30 - John mental health counselor arrives for play therapy/try to put Oliver down for nap
2:15 - guardian ad litem arrives to talk to counselor
2:45 - everyone leaves
2:45 - 5:00 - clean up house, entertain boys (Oliver never napped)
5:00 - leave to pick up Elizabeth
5:30 - return home
6:00 - dinner -John throws up during dinner and goes to bed with many tears, etc. and is running fever
6:30 - bath Elizabeth and then Oliver
6:50 - 7:10 Elizabeth nebulizer treatment
7:15 - Elizabeth bottle and bed
8:00- Oliver to bed
9:00 - Don arrives home
9:30 - Brynn arrives home and I get to eat dinner
10:00 - off to bed for me
Wednesday
5:30 a.m. Don gets up and I start stirring
6:00 up and in the shower
6:30 boys are both up on their own, Don gives them breakfast
6:50 wake Elizabeth and feed her breakfast
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth and get John to get dressed
7:35 out the door to take John to school
7:50 approaching the school when Elizabeth pukes up her breakfast in her carseat
7:55 drop John off
8:20 arrive home to bathe Elizabeth, clean carseat, pack bags for day and eat breakfast myself and move laundry around and then locate old carseat for the day
9:15 leave to drive back to South Fort Myers for Elizabeth's speech therapy
10:00-30 speech therapy
11:00 Elizabeth's 15 month well baby visit, turns in to sick visit due to fever and ear infection
12:00-12:30 drive to pick John up, eat Wendy's in the car - told John may have head lice
1:00 drop John and Elizabeth off at daycare (probably shouldn't have)
1:30 call to come pick kids up
2:00 back home

Am I crazy??? Or is it really a lot to do? In between I am cleaning up all the bodily fluids I can find. Elizabeth's nose runs 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. Maybe I am just a whiner... (could be!) I did call today and say "I need help" only to be told they are too short staffed to do much more than move the kids to a new foster home. I am hoping something will happen in court tomorrow or at John's school meeting Tuesday or something or we may be moving the kids......

We had a fun but crazy weekend and Easter. On Friday the kids had their Easter visit with their Mom. John had to start the day off to a really bad start by having a bm in his underwear and trying to hide it/cover it up. Let's just say it was not a fun job cleaning up the mess. It is obviously behavioral because the "accidents" seem to correlate with the visits....so sad. He starts therapy tomorrow here at the house, I am praying it helps him. I am not sure how many more of these things I can take. I feel bad for him but also know that it is somewhat within his control. The visit itself seemed to go fine and John was fine when I got him back, his behavior wasn't the greatest but he also didn't scream and cry this time.

After they got home we loaded up and headed to Orlando to spend Easter with our parents. The drive up was great. We stayed with my mom and step-dad and spent Sunday morning with Don's parents. The three kids are a bit much for anyone much less our parents who are used to pretty quiet lives.....they all did pretty great. For some reason John was super hyper all weekend, not sure if it was the change in environment or what....who knows? Elizabeth did pretty well. Oliver was wanting some alone time with the grandparents and John had some jealousy issues. Overall pretty great though...the drive home was not so wonderful but we made it one piece.

Elizabeth has started daycare and I am much relieved. I am trying to get John in the rest of this week as it is spring break and he is pretty overwhelming for me to handle 24 hours a day. Not the proudest thing I have ever said but it is honest. The kids are a bit much to handle all day everyday. I am home 2-3 days a week all day by myself as Don has school in the evenings right after work. I think having a bit of down time will be good for all of us.