We had Oliver's IEP meeting today with the school district. He leaves the Early Intervention program next month when he turns 3 next month and is being transitioned in to the school district for services. His only delay now is speech. His testing revealed that he understands everything we say, which we already knew. He is just significantly delayed in his expressive language and has some pretty big problems with articulation (pronunciation). He was placed in to the school district's part-time speech program which means he will either go to school on Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday in the fall for 2.5 hours each day. He can even ride the bus, not sure if we will let him though. He could start at the end of April when he turns 3 but we have decided to wait till fall to send him. He will stay with his current speech language pathologist whom he loves (I do too) till then. It didn't make much sense to change everything when he would end up getting no services over the summer.
I want to add in that he is talking a ton and has come such a long way! However, he does have a way to go before people are able to understand him and he can feel less frustration with communication.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Things are slowly getting better!
I am feeling a bit better about things. We seem to be making some progress with getting in to a routine and figuring out what works and keeps things calmer around here. I finally figured out that giving John and Oliver a granola bar and milk in the car is easier that trying to feed them breakfast before taking John to school at 7:30. John is in the head start Pre-K program so he gets free breakfast and lunch when he is at school. And sadly, a granola bar and milk is a great breakfast for Oliver. I have also started picking John up at 12:30 instead of 1:45. It is making a world of difference. I am working on getting all 3 of them in to a naptime routine starting at 1:00. I need a little peace for an hour or so each day. Oliver and John are doing well at napping but Elizabeth seems to not want to nap for more than 20-30 minutes in the afternoon. She does sleep 1.5 hours in the morning which gives me time with Oliver. I really hate having therapy two days in a row but don't have much choice. It makes for two crazy mornings in a row.
I have decided to send Elizabeth to daycare part-time a couple of mornings a week. It is free for us and I think it will help me immensely! I am doing it because she needs some interaction with other kids, I need some time with Oliver and to accomplish some things, and because Elizabeth needs to form positive relationships with caregivers other than Don and me. She is going to have a pretty tough time when she goes back to Mom and it has been recommended to us that this will help her in the long run. I am having a problem placing her as she isn't walking yet and many of the daycares won't accept her in their 1 year old room. She really is more like an 8 month old.
Monday I took Elizabeth to a 3 hour opthamologist appointment and felt like I was part of a three ring circus. Mom and Grandpa came and even both went in to the exam room with me. I guess the neurologist recommended it but I didn't find that out until we went to the neuro on Wednesday. The opthamologist was not impressed with the biofamily, it was embarassing. I guess several of the other grandkids that Grandma and Grandpa are raising go there already and there is an established undesirable history.
The visit to the neurologist confirmed what I think we all already knew, Elizabeth's delays and head are a result of horrible neglect......the Guardian ad litem and I met there and the bio family didn't know about it. Elizabeth is down from her November weight when they last saw her and her head hasn't grown like it should since then. He thought her delays were worse now than when he saw her in November. Makes me sick! He said we are really too late to reshape her head with helmet therpay:( He talked to Mom about it and she had chosen not to do it. It is a lot of work as the helmet needs to be reshaped a couple times a month in Miami....The good news is he thinks mentally she is good and hopefully all of her therapies will help her to catch up quickly. The guardian ad litem will relay the appointment to the judge at the April 15th hearing.
John is doing better, seems limiting contact with Mom is maybe helping. Hoping to get him in therapy/counseling in the next week. It has been a major pain in the ass! Nothing seems to come easy. He has been having more and more frequent accidents, thankfully all #1's....we have offered him a reward if he has 4 dry days in a row. Today was a successful day 1. It is pretty normal to see this kind of regression. He wants me to feed him, rock him, etc. like I do the two little ones. It is challenging. He is better physically. He has a recheck at the doctor on Tuesday and all was well! YAY!
Elizabeth still has ear infections. They are better but not great. The pediatrician wanted her off antibiotics for week before he sees her so we go back on Monday again. Tiresome and just wish she could feel good. I am transitioning her on to soy formula to see if getting off milk helps her runny nose and congestion. She also needs the calories and nutrients of the formula for a while.
I am battling with the pediatrician's office to get them to waive our Blue Cross co-pay as the kids are still on Medicaid as secondary but they won't pay the co-pay due to the fact that BC pays better than Medicaid already. They seem to understand but haven't made a decision yet. I really don't get it. Here is an example....Medicaid pays something like $20 per office visit but BC pays $45 per office visit, so they are still better off with the kids being on BC over Medicaid. I am just frustrated. I really don't want to have incur even more expenses for these kids but am not going back to the old doctor! ARGH!
My mom and step-dad are down for the weekend. They stay in a hotel and I think were grateful tonight to escape the chaos of the Baer house. Can't say I blame them. We really don't have room anymore for guests anyway. I might be able to squeeze someone on a blow-up mattress or on the twin in Oliver's room. Tomorrow is the Easter Egg Hunt at our church which I organized this year. I let a bunch of things slip but oh well! It will be fun to see the kids hunt for eggs and meet the Easter Bunny! I will post pictures. The kids have changed so much in the last weeks. Oliver has filled out and is growing in to such a boy, John looks healthy and happy and Elizabeth has put on over a pound and her color is brighter.
Don and I are doing well. Don has the creeping crud from the kids and I am finally just about over it (knock on wood). Brynn is having a hard time deciding what to do next year. I thought she was pretty set on a school but she is now leaning towards living at home and finishing up her AA at the school she is attending as an early admissions student. She seems to be coming around a little on the kids but is pretty stuck on Oliver. I keep reminding her it is only temporary but we are going to stick it out with these kids. We refuse to add to their problems!
I have decided to send Elizabeth to daycare part-time a couple of mornings a week. It is free for us and I think it will help me immensely! I am doing it because she needs some interaction with other kids, I need some time with Oliver and to accomplish some things, and because Elizabeth needs to form positive relationships with caregivers other than Don and me. She is going to have a pretty tough time when she goes back to Mom and it has been recommended to us that this will help her in the long run. I am having a problem placing her as she isn't walking yet and many of the daycares won't accept her in their 1 year old room. She really is more like an 8 month old.
Monday I took Elizabeth to a 3 hour opthamologist appointment and felt like I was part of a three ring circus. Mom and Grandpa came and even both went in to the exam room with me. I guess the neurologist recommended it but I didn't find that out until we went to the neuro on Wednesday. The opthamologist was not impressed with the biofamily, it was embarassing. I guess several of the other grandkids that Grandma and Grandpa are raising go there already and there is an established undesirable history.
The visit to the neurologist confirmed what I think we all already knew, Elizabeth's delays and head are a result of horrible neglect......the Guardian ad litem and I met there and the bio family didn't know about it. Elizabeth is down from her November weight when they last saw her and her head hasn't grown like it should since then. He thought her delays were worse now than when he saw her in November. Makes me sick! He said we are really too late to reshape her head with helmet therpay:( He talked to Mom about it and she had chosen not to do it. It is a lot of work as the helmet needs to be reshaped a couple times a month in Miami....The good news is he thinks mentally she is good and hopefully all of her therapies will help her to catch up quickly. The guardian ad litem will relay the appointment to the judge at the April 15th hearing.
John is doing better, seems limiting contact with Mom is maybe helping. Hoping to get him in therapy/counseling in the next week. It has been a major pain in the ass! Nothing seems to come easy. He has been having more and more frequent accidents, thankfully all #1's....we have offered him a reward if he has 4 dry days in a row. Today was a successful day 1. It is pretty normal to see this kind of regression. He wants me to feed him, rock him, etc. like I do the two little ones. It is challenging. He is better physically. He has a recheck at the doctor on Tuesday and all was well! YAY!
Elizabeth still has ear infections. They are better but not great. The pediatrician wanted her off antibiotics for week before he sees her so we go back on Monday again. Tiresome and just wish she could feel good. I am transitioning her on to soy formula to see if getting off milk helps her runny nose and congestion. She also needs the calories and nutrients of the formula for a while.
I am battling with the pediatrician's office to get them to waive our Blue Cross co-pay as the kids are still on Medicaid as secondary but they won't pay the co-pay due to the fact that BC pays better than Medicaid already. They seem to understand but haven't made a decision yet. I really don't get it. Here is an example....Medicaid pays something like $20 per office visit but BC pays $45 per office visit, so they are still better off with the kids being on BC over Medicaid. I am just frustrated. I really don't want to have incur even more expenses for these kids but am not going back to the old doctor! ARGH!
My mom and step-dad are down for the weekend. They stay in a hotel and I think were grateful tonight to escape the chaos of the Baer house. Can't say I blame them. We really don't have room anymore for guests anyway. I might be able to squeeze someone on a blow-up mattress or on the twin in Oliver's room. Tomorrow is the Easter Egg Hunt at our church which I organized this year. I let a bunch of things slip but oh well! It will be fun to see the kids hunt for eggs and meet the Easter Bunny! I will post pictures. The kids have changed so much in the last weeks. Oliver has filled out and is growing in to such a boy, John looks healthy and happy and Elizabeth has put on over a pound and her color is brighter.
Don and I are doing well. Don has the creeping crud from the kids and I am finally just about over it (knock on wood). Brynn is having a hard time deciding what to do next year. I thought she was pretty set on a school but she is now leaning towards living at home and finishing up her AA at the school she is attending as an early admissions student. She seems to be coming around a little on the kids but is pretty stuck on Oliver. I keep reminding her it is only temporary but we are going to stick it out with these kids. We refuse to add to their problems!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The week in review
On Tuesday Elizabeth had her therapies (feeding, OT and PT) and Oliver had speech. Brynn was awesome and went with me and took Oliver while I did Lizzie's therapies with "Mom".....I am having a harder time with her. Honestly, I am just angry anymore with her for what she has done with these kids, I am angry with the system for allowing her to continue to disrupt their lives and knowing that they will go back and once again be neglected. While Lizzie was in feeding therapy Brynn came and got me to help get Oliver out to the car for the last 30 minutes of Lizzie's therapy. On my way back in to the office I had the chance to talk to Lizzie's occupational therapist. I asked about neglect and if it could be the cause of her delays, she had a OT student with her that day and her reply was "I was just telling my student that I think this is a result of neglect." She was on to talk about how her head was bald in her big flat spot until recently. My guess is that back in December when they started living with Bette and her family is when she started getting out off her carseat some. Bette did tell me though that Mom and Lizzie were gone all day and she suspects it was to be with Dad and so she was probably in the carseat all day then and just out when at Bette's....
Anyway, I talked about getting Lizzie in to speech therapy too. Low and behold she has been approved for it all along but Mom couldn't get her to therapy a second day a week. Well we are already there twice a week for Oliver's speech and feeding, they have to be done on separate days. So, they found her a spot on Wednesday mornings while we are there with Oliver with another speech pathologist who is a birth to three specialist. She had her first session on Wednesday and the therapist thinks she has never had the opportunity or stimulation to vocalize much. She is pretty quiet most of the time, hardly any babbling or cooing and no real words. She does know who to cry though and puts her vocal cords to good use often:) She got her second antibiotic injection on Thursday. Mom met me for that too and she was useless and didn't help with Lizzie so I could attend to Oliver, she is absolutely pathetic. The nurse goes "nice" and points Mom (out of her view) as we were leaving. I love the nurse, by the way:)
John....poor guy, this has been an eye opening week for us on what his needs really are, it is beyond what I ever imagined. First off it has become apparent that he has severe learning disabilities, he cannot count to 3 and does not know his letters or recognize his name constistently. He thinks animals are different ones, and make the wrong sounds. We are working hard but he just cannot seem to pick it up. I have spoken with both of his teachers and he now needs testing for specialized schooling next year in kindergarten. I know part of it is no one has ever worked with him before except at school, I think part of it may be fetal alcohol exposure (unknown but my guess if Lizzie has fetal alcohol syndrome) His behavior is good some days and awful some. Don found a stash of Lizzie's pacifiers (two of which he took out of her crib last night when she was in bed) and this morning we were trying to talk to him about it and he went in to the silent, angry mode and I just put him in timeout. I drug/carried him to his room and when he got in there he threw the pillows of his bed. The other day he smashed something when told to let Oliver play on his own......he also smashed Oliver's fingers. We are trying to see him through all of this and overall he is doing better now that he is feeling physically better. I know he has learned so much from his violent father. Makes me sad that this all he knows. Forgot, on Wednesday Mom spent the morning at John's school but he was so disturbed after she left and for the remainder of the day, she is no longer allowed to visit him at school. This kid just can't recover from it.
Oliver has been a real trooper through all of it. He is a bit needy and wanting Mommy more but overall enjoys having the kids. He takes care of Lizzie and loves playing with John. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays I am home alone all day and evening with the kids as Don has to either teach or go to class those evenings. It is a long three days. My dear friend Tami came over Thursday evening and helped me with baths and bed, the boys LOVE HER, and she brought me Carrabba's for after they were all in bed. It was so nice!
I am continuing to battle the system and just hate it all but keep telling myself I knew this going in to it. I am frustrated as I still haven't gotten a call from the counseling center and I keep following up on it with no luck, the kids' social worker won't give me their number so I am guessing she hasn't done her part. I am planning to go to her supervisor on Tuesday if I don't hear anything by then.
Got to go take Lizzie to the doctor!
Anyway, I talked about getting Lizzie in to speech therapy too. Low and behold she has been approved for it all along but Mom couldn't get her to therapy a second day a week. Well we are already there twice a week for Oliver's speech and feeding, they have to be done on separate days. So, they found her a spot on Wednesday mornings while we are there with Oliver with another speech pathologist who is a birth to three specialist. She had her first session on Wednesday and the therapist thinks she has never had the opportunity or stimulation to vocalize much. She is pretty quiet most of the time, hardly any babbling or cooing and no real words. She does know who to cry though and puts her vocal cords to good use often:) She got her second antibiotic injection on Thursday. Mom met me for that too and she was useless and didn't help with Lizzie so I could attend to Oliver, she is absolutely pathetic. The nurse goes "nice" and points Mom (out of her view) as we were leaving. I love the nurse, by the way:)
John....poor guy, this has been an eye opening week for us on what his needs really are, it is beyond what I ever imagined. First off it has become apparent that he has severe learning disabilities, he cannot count to 3 and does not know his letters or recognize his name constistently. He thinks animals are different ones, and make the wrong sounds. We are working hard but he just cannot seem to pick it up. I have spoken with both of his teachers and he now needs testing for specialized schooling next year in kindergarten. I know part of it is no one has ever worked with him before except at school, I think part of it may be fetal alcohol exposure (unknown but my guess if Lizzie has fetal alcohol syndrome) His behavior is good some days and awful some. Don found a stash of Lizzie's pacifiers (two of which he took out of her crib last night when she was in bed) and this morning we were trying to talk to him about it and he went in to the silent, angry mode and I just put him in timeout. I drug/carried him to his room and when he got in there he threw the pillows of his bed. The other day he smashed something when told to let Oliver play on his own......he also smashed Oliver's fingers. We are trying to see him through all of this and overall he is doing better now that he is feeling physically better. I know he has learned so much from his violent father. Makes me sad that this all he knows. Forgot, on Wednesday Mom spent the morning at John's school but he was so disturbed after she left and for the remainder of the day, she is no longer allowed to visit him at school. This kid just can't recover from it.
Oliver has been a real trooper through all of it. He is a bit needy and wanting Mommy more but overall enjoys having the kids. He takes care of Lizzie and loves playing with John. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays I am home alone all day and evening with the kids as Don has to either teach or go to class those evenings. It is a long three days. My dear friend Tami came over Thursday evening and helped me with baths and bed, the boys LOVE HER, and she brought me Carrabba's for after they were all in bed. It was so nice!
I am continuing to battle the system and just hate it all but keep telling myself I knew this going in to it. I am frustrated as I still haven't gotten a call from the counseling center and I keep following up on it with no luck, the kids' social worker won't give me their number so I am guessing she hasn't done her part. I am planning to go to her supervisor on Tuesday if I don't hear anything by then.
Got to go take Lizzie to the doctor!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wishing things would get better for them
I keep praying that these kids will heal from their current ailments (pneumonia and ear infections) but sadly it doesn't seem to want to happen too quickly. Had them both back to the new pediatrician on Monday afternoon only to be told John has a ways to go but is on the mend. Elizabeth has really ugly stuff going on in her ears and he started her on antibiotic injections every 3 days for a series of 3, we go back on Thursday. She is so fussy, congested and snotty. John has a horrible cough and nose still. I swear I have never seen so much snot and vomit in all my life. I am sorry but it is really disgusting when you don't deeply love them.....
John is having ups and downs and we just keep praying for more ups than downs. I figure three steps forward, two steps back every few days. He is trusting us more but is deeply angry and I really don't blame him but it is hard to handle. I cannot decide if he is truly an angry person or it is just temporary and he will overcome it. I know he has picked up some horrible stuff from his dad's example and runs his mom as she is too lazy to fight him.
Elizabeth is doing well except her crud and ears. At therapy today they were once again really happy with her progress. I had a conversation with her occupational therapist today. She does believe in all likely hood her delays are from neglect, all the pieces now add up. A few people including Mom and the OT have told me her flat head was bald until recently, another sign of laying on her back too much. She has also made so much progress in the last weeks that it also points to neglect. Not that it really matters much but I want to rule out an underlying problem. We also need to see an audiologist to get her hearing checked. She starts speech therapy tomorrow. She has needed to go since October but Mom couldn't get a ride to the therapy place a second day a week. We already go on Wednesdays for Oliver's feeding therapy so it works for us.
Brynn seems to be doing better with things. She has actually been a huge help to me with the kids the last few days! And hasn't tried to be vacant. She had a nice conversation with the kids' social worker today. She truly cares even though the kids irritate her. They do me sometimes too but it is getting better. I know her heart is good and this is our choice that has caused total disruption in her home. I love her dearly and am so proud of her!
Oliver is really starting to love the kids. He wants to help take care of Elizabeth, puts her pacifier in her mouth and gives her his blankie. He also tries to help her and says "Mom Izzie ying" (Lizzie crying) Today he thought he would suck one of her pacifiers and kept putting it in his mouth upside down. He told her "open mouff" when he was trying to put hers back in her mouth while she cried. He is having too much fun with John. They fight and bicker but overall do pretty well together. They have a method of driving the Power Wheels truck....Oliver pushes the pedals and John steers....Oliver is then able to suck his thumb:) Two very cute boys that are growing on each other.
Someone enjoyed their bath!
Miss Elizabeth has been an ugly screaming bath in the tub since her arrival and according to John has always screamed in the bath. Well, we blew up Oliver's duck tub for her two weeks ago and have been trying to get her to play in it with no luck. Tonight all of that changed and she was just a splishin' and a splashin'....she has a way to go before she is a lover of water but it is truly a 180 degree change over the kid who arrived a little over two weeks ago. Our friend Pete is a child psychologist and told Don that she has had a trauma with water to be so scared of it, the screams were just like Oliver's in Moscow. So sad! When it was the boys' turns for baths, she even was splashin' in the water over the edge! Of course she got her jammies all wet but who cares?
Monday, March 15, 2010
The Weekend
Overall the weekend was great! The kids did well up until yesterday when it was time for the visit with Mom.....On Saturday I got to go to the grocery store alone while Don stayed home with the boys and Elizabeth napped for over 3 hours. Then my great friend Tami came over and played with the boys while I puttered around the house putting laundry away, recapturing my kitchen counters, etc. We then had a nice lunch and put the boys down for naps while Don kept an eye on Elizabeth so I could nap too. I caught the creeping crud from the kids and then put the ugly nights up with John's hacking cough I really need some rest.
Sunday morning we managed to get to church only about 5 minutes late even with daylight savings:) My friend Tami had to attend as Don and I had John asking Tami to come sit with him on Sunday. Tami has been a member of our church for a bit but hasn't been the best on attendance as of late:( She finally bribed John that she would come to church and sit with him if he ate his lunch Saturday. He did and boy did he run to her when she walked up to church! Super sweet! Thanks Tami! Tami even got John to go to Sunday school. Major steps of progress.
We then quickly came home and changed so we could meet Mom at 12:00. Grandpa is now supervising visits in a public place. His homestudy isn't complete so they cannot take the kids there. Mom of course doesn't acknowledge the kids but starts talking to me. They showed up with the kids' older brother, whom the grandparents have permanent guardianship over, and the kids' cousins, whom the the grandparents also have permanent guardianship of.....need I say more? Well, I had to wait to see how they were going to get everyone in this 5 seater car. I made sure the kids were in their carseats and we left. Oliver says "where Lizzie? where John?", he is attaching to them already. Don, Oliver and I went to BJ's (like Costco and Sams) for a much needed stock up trip of just about everything. And then we went out for lunch and back home to unload and put Oliver down for a nap (he has the creeping crud too).
Don went alone to pick up the kids. He walked in to the house with Elizabeth and said "what an awful experience" which I already knew. I guess John screamed and cried. He fell asleep in the car on the way home so Don then carried him in and he woke up in tears. Don and I spent about an hour between us trying to talk to him but he wouldn't even look at us. I think he feels disloyal to Mom if he is pleasant to us especially after a visit. So sad. He finally fell asleep and so did Elizabeth for about 20 minutes. Don got a motorcycle ride in with our friend Pete. Pete is a child psychologist and offered us some good advise on reassuring John continually that none of this is his fault, he said kids his age blame themselves. So we are working on it. Lizzie got no real nap all day just a couple of catnaps. Both kids ended up having a pretty crudy day. John ended the day being pleasant but having a really hard time going to sleep. He was then up during the night coughing and throwing up.
We are back to the doctor this afternoon. Mom was going to come but couldn't find a ride. I really don't think her coming is good for John's mental state at this point. Neither kid is really feeling great yet but we are praying that will change quickly. Don sweetly shared last night that he has more energy than he has had in a long time and knows it is God's way of telling him "you are doing the right thing".
Sunday morning we managed to get to church only about 5 minutes late even with daylight savings:) My friend Tami had to attend as Don and I had John asking Tami to come sit with him on Sunday. Tami has been a member of our church for a bit but hasn't been the best on attendance as of late:( She finally bribed John that she would come to church and sit with him if he ate his lunch Saturday. He did and boy did he run to her when she walked up to church! Super sweet! Thanks Tami! Tami even got John to go to Sunday school. Major steps of progress.
We then quickly came home and changed so we could meet Mom at 12:00. Grandpa is now supervising visits in a public place. His homestudy isn't complete so they cannot take the kids there. Mom of course doesn't acknowledge the kids but starts talking to me. They showed up with the kids' older brother, whom the grandparents have permanent guardianship over, and the kids' cousins, whom the the grandparents also have permanent guardianship of.....need I say more? Well, I had to wait to see how they were going to get everyone in this 5 seater car. I made sure the kids were in their carseats and we left. Oliver says "where Lizzie? where John?", he is attaching to them already. Don, Oliver and I went to BJ's (like Costco and Sams) for a much needed stock up trip of just about everything. And then we went out for lunch and back home to unload and put Oliver down for a nap (he has the creeping crud too).
Don went alone to pick up the kids. He walked in to the house with Elizabeth and said "what an awful experience" which I already knew. I guess John screamed and cried. He fell asleep in the car on the way home so Don then carried him in and he woke up in tears. Don and I spent about an hour between us trying to talk to him but he wouldn't even look at us. I think he feels disloyal to Mom if he is pleasant to us especially after a visit. So sad. He finally fell asleep and so did Elizabeth for about 20 minutes. Don got a motorcycle ride in with our friend Pete. Pete is a child psychologist and offered us some good advise on reassuring John continually that none of this is his fault, he said kids his age blame themselves. So we are working on it. Lizzie got no real nap all day just a couple of catnaps. Both kids ended up having a pretty crudy day. John ended the day being pleasant but having a really hard time going to sleep. He was then up during the night coughing and throwing up.
We are back to the doctor this afternoon. Mom was going to come but couldn't find a ride. I really don't think her coming is good for John's mental state at this point. Neither kid is really feeling great yet but we are praying that will change quickly. Don sweetly shared last night that he has more energy than he has had in a long time and knows it is God's way of telling him "you are doing the right thing".
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday and Thursday
I am enjoying some quiet time this Friday morning as it is pouring rain and the house is quiet as the kids are still sleeping. Our DishTV is out due to the rain so I am going to update everyone on the last two days...one great one and one horrible day.
Wednesday ended up being a pretty great day with the kids, probably the best so far. A fun and happy John woke up, got dressed and ate breakfast. Of course, he gave me a bunch of challenges along the way but a night and day difference over the couple of days before. I took him to school and picked up a silent kid but by the time we were home he was talking and fine. I got home to a voicemail from John's teacher to call Mom about Elizabeth's upcoming doctor appointment. She knows she needs to work this through the case manager and I am the one who sets doctor appointments. Their case manager/social worker came for her weekly visit after we got home. She told me to ignore the teacher's message. By this time Elizabeth was down for her nap and I was praying for Oliver to fall asleep while reading. John was silent to Ann Marie as I expected but the end of the visit was at least acknowledging her. She was here for about an hour. She thinks I am being too soft with John and need to stop counting before pushing him as he is testing me. I told John that I am not going to continue counting and he has to start doing what I ask him to do. This is tough because I count with my own kids, maybe it is one of my parenting downfalls.....
Wednesday night I was obligated to go to church as I am "chairing" the Easter Egg Hunt at our church and we needed to start our long task of sorting and stuffing thousands of eggs. We have soup and sandwich at 6:00 and I had agreed to meet the lady is in charge of the eggs at 5:00. Well both Don and Brynn were working so that meant taking all 3 little ones with me. I put Elizabeth in the stroller and let the boys color in one of the Sunday school rooms off of the room we were all working in. When it was time for dinner, John invited our music director Bill to join us and we soon had many of the older members of our church at our table. It was a challenging meal trying to get kids to eat and have decent table manners.....shoes were placed on the table at one point. Fortunately, Don arrived and took the boys and my dear friend Amy also showed up and took Miss Elizabeth for me and I was able to enjoy a few minutes. Don then took all three kids home to put to bed while I worked at church. I actually enjoyed our Lenten service and then stayed till 9:00 working on eggs. Don said the kids were a breeze to put to bed. John was running a temperature when I felt him when I got home but I couldn't get him to wake up to take anything. It was a really great day!!!
Thursday started off with me being very optimistic and getting up to a quiet house. I felt John and he still had a temp so I decided not to wake anyone as he wasn't going to school. The first to arise was Oliver and he and I got to spend a little time snuggled in my chair before we heard Miss Elizabeth. John wasn't too far behind and got up with a high temp 102.5 and a very disgusting nose. He has had such an ugly cough and nose since we got him but this was much worse. I gave him some apple juice, Tylenol and cough syrup and put him on the couch to watch Chuggington. By this time I smelled two poopie diapers. So, I got Miss Elizabeth dressed and then moved on to Mr. Oliver. Picture diaper open and all of a sudden you hear vomiting in your family room and it running down the hallway to the bathroom. I quickly finished Oliver's diaper and walked in the bathroom to find John (bless his heart) over the toilet with the two longest snot trails coming out of each nostril. It was awful, I have never seen anything like it. So while Miss Elizabeth is screaming I was scrubbing vomit from the couch, floors, etc. I gave John some ginger ale and 2 animal crackers and put him on the other couch.
At this point I picked Elizabeth up and called the kids' pediatrician. This kid has been in there office twice in the last week so I am hopeful that they will just call in some antibiotics for him as it appears to have moved in to a respiratory infection. Nope, the nurse practitioner called me to say that it is just viral and to give him more clear liquids, etc. same thing as Tuesday. When I raised a stink she said "well I guess you could bring him in".....I just hung up. They really seemed to have missed so much with these kids over the last years, it is sad. Then John's teacher calls to tell me that Mom called her and I need to call her back as Elizabeth has a doctor's appointment. I explained what Ann Marie told me the day before and for her to have Mom call Ann Marie. Mom knew I had already taken E to the doctor the week before.
Well I then try calling Ann Marie to figure out what to do about the doctor. John is still in a miserable state, Elizabeth is miserable too with something including a nasty nose, cough and teething. I put Elizabeth in her high chair and Oliver in his chair for breakfast while I try and make some calls. I still have to spoon feed Elizabeth baby foods, etc. So I have my notepad, etc. inf front of me too......Ann Marie doesn't answer her office phone or cell phone so I call back to speak with her supervisor. This doctor is awful and I really want the kids on our insurance to get out of the Medicaid system of doctors. I make about 4 phone calls with no cooperation from anyone on how to get them to see someone else except to take them to the "free clinic".....After melting down and calling Don to come home, I give up on breakfast and wait for Don to come home. I got some more Tylenol in John and he kept it down.
After about 10 phone calls, I finally get permission to put them on our Blue Cross/Blue Shile!! I got with Don's HR person and the insurance with be retroactive to the 1st the day we got the kids but unverifiable till Friday as it takes overnight for it get in to BC/BS's system. So, I then call Oliver's pediatrician (whom I love) and they won't take the foster kids....not continuity of care. I then called another pediatrician's office that I have heard good things about and they tell me that what I want them to do is fraud by not billing till tomorrow. Fortunately, my neighbor/friend supervises all the offices of this practice but she is on vacation but someone that works directly under her finally works a miracle after many calls. At 1:30 just as John had nodded off without lunch on the family room floor and Elizabeth is napping (since 11:00) I am called an told to hurry as the kids have a 2:00 appointment about 30 minutes away.....Don and I quickly load up John and Elizabeth and I take them while Don stays home with Oliver. The new doctor is older and a bit testy but super kind to the kids. He first looks at E and cannot see in her ears as they are packed with wax. We hold her down and he tries to remove some of the wax and is successful enough in the one ear to see she has a raging ear infection. (I swear the old doctor looked in her ears last Thursday and didn't say a thing) When I asked about the shape of her head he says "she has laid somewhere for a very long time". Makes me tear up.
Then it is John's turn. He is not happy but tries and cooperates pretty well. The doctor says yes this is all viral but the fever and knock in his chest have him suspicious of pneumonia. So he sends us off to the radiology place down the road after a much needed dose of Tylenol. So, after a couple hours and much bribery John's x-ray is done and we are told to return to the pediatrician's office. I know this means pneumonia and am just praying they don't have to admit him to the hospital. That is the last thing this kid needs. They said it isn't too bad of a case and give him an antibiotic injection (poor kid) but I know it will quickly put him on the mend. We leave their office at 5:45 after about 4 hours of being in doctor's offices. I told Don my new phone paid for itself with Disney Channel on it!!! John and Elizabeth were so good, bless their little hearts. How the heck does a kid have pneumonia and was just to the doctor two days before? How did they miss this? I made all my phone calls to Ann Marie and the Guardian ad Litem on my way home and drove through Sonic for a lovely dinner. I threw my food down quick and fed Lizzie and then ran to have Rx's filled while Don put kids to bed.
John and Oliver are up now. First thing Oliver says is "where's Lizzie?" I am keeping John home again today and they both go back to the doctor on Monday for follow ups. I wonder where we would be if I had listened to their old pediatrician? In the hospital in a few days? Good news is that we got the kids in better care and are out of the Medicaid doctor nightmare! Don keeps telling me we have to just focus on our purpose, the kids. He is right but man is it challenging. The social worker said to me "if the kids are too much for you" and I said "it isn't the kids, it is dealing with the system that is too much"....
Wednesday ended up being a pretty great day with the kids, probably the best so far. A fun and happy John woke up, got dressed and ate breakfast. Of course, he gave me a bunch of challenges along the way but a night and day difference over the couple of days before. I took him to school and picked up a silent kid but by the time we were home he was talking and fine. I got home to a voicemail from John's teacher to call Mom about Elizabeth's upcoming doctor appointment. She knows she needs to work this through the case manager and I am the one who sets doctor appointments. Their case manager/social worker came for her weekly visit after we got home. She told me to ignore the teacher's message. By this time Elizabeth was down for her nap and I was praying for Oliver to fall asleep while reading. John was silent to Ann Marie as I expected but the end of the visit was at least acknowledging her. She was here for about an hour. She thinks I am being too soft with John and need to stop counting before pushing him as he is testing me. I told John that I am not going to continue counting and he has to start doing what I ask him to do. This is tough because I count with my own kids, maybe it is one of my parenting downfalls.....
Wednesday night I was obligated to go to church as I am "chairing" the Easter Egg Hunt at our church and we needed to start our long task of sorting and stuffing thousands of eggs. We have soup and sandwich at 6:00 and I had agreed to meet the lady is in charge of the eggs at 5:00. Well both Don and Brynn were working so that meant taking all 3 little ones with me. I put Elizabeth in the stroller and let the boys color in one of the Sunday school rooms off of the room we were all working in. When it was time for dinner, John invited our music director Bill to join us and we soon had many of the older members of our church at our table. It was a challenging meal trying to get kids to eat and have decent table manners.....shoes were placed on the table at one point. Fortunately, Don arrived and took the boys and my dear friend Amy also showed up and took Miss Elizabeth for me and I was able to enjoy a few minutes. Don then took all three kids home to put to bed while I worked at church. I actually enjoyed our Lenten service and then stayed till 9:00 working on eggs. Don said the kids were a breeze to put to bed. John was running a temperature when I felt him when I got home but I couldn't get him to wake up to take anything. It was a really great day!!!
Thursday started off with me being very optimistic and getting up to a quiet house. I felt John and he still had a temp so I decided not to wake anyone as he wasn't going to school. The first to arise was Oliver and he and I got to spend a little time snuggled in my chair before we heard Miss Elizabeth. John wasn't too far behind and got up with a high temp 102.5 and a very disgusting nose. He has had such an ugly cough and nose since we got him but this was much worse. I gave him some apple juice, Tylenol and cough syrup and put him on the couch to watch Chuggington. By this time I smelled two poopie diapers. So, I got Miss Elizabeth dressed and then moved on to Mr. Oliver. Picture diaper open and all of a sudden you hear vomiting in your family room and it running down the hallway to the bathroom. I quickly finished Oliver's diaper and walked in the bathroom to find John (bless his heart) over the toilet with the two longest snot trails coming out of each nostril. It was awful, I have never seen anything like it. So while Miss Elizabeth is screaming I was scrubbing vomit from the couch, floors, etc. I gave John some ginger ale and 2 animal crackers and put him on the other couch.
At this point I picked Elizabeth up and called the kids' pediatrician. This kid has been in there office twice in the last week so I am hopeful that they will just call in some antibiotics for him as it appears to have moved in to a respiratory infection. Nope, the nurse practitioner called me to say that it is just viral and to give him more clear liquids, etc. same thing as Tuesday. When I raised a stink she said "well I guess you could bring him in".....I just hung up. They really seemed to have missed so much with these kids over the last years, it is sad. Then John's teacher calls to tell me that Mom called her and I need to call her back as Elizabeth has a doctor's appointment. I explained what Ann Marie told me the day before and for her to have Mom call Ann Marie. Mom knew I had already taken E to the doctor the week before.
Well I then try calling Ann Marie to figure out what to do about the doctor. John is still in a miserable state, Elizabeth is miserable too with something including a nasty nose, cough and teething. I put Elizabeth in her high chair and Oliver in his chair for breakfast while I try and make some calls. I still have to spoon feed Elizabeth baby foods, etc. So I have my notepad, etc. inf front of me too......Ann Marie doesn't answer her office phone or cell phone so I call back to speak with her supervisor. This doctor is awful and I really want the kids on our insurance to get out of the Medicaid system of doctors. I make about 4 phone calls with no cooperation from anyone on how to get them to see someone else except to take them to the "free clinic".....After melting down and calling Don to come home, I give up on breakfast and wait for Don to come home. I got some more Tylenol in John and he kept it down.
After about 10 phone calls, I finally get permission to put them on our Blue Cross/Blue Shile!! I got with Don's HR person and the insurance with be retroactive to the 1st the day we got the kids but unverifiable till Friday as it takes overnight for it get in to BC/BS's system. So, I then call Oliver's pediatrician (whom I love) and they won't take the foster kids....not continuity of care. I then called another pediatrician's office that I have heard good things about and they tell me that what I want them to do is fraud by not billing till tomorrow. Fortunately, my neighbor/friend supervises all the offices of this practice but she is on vacation but someone that works directly under her finally works a miracle after many calls. At 1:30 just as John had nodded off without lunch on the family room floor and Elizabeth is napping (since 11:00) I am called an told to hurry as the kids have a 2:00 appointment about 30 minutes away.....Don and I quickly load up John and Elizabeth and I take them while Don stays home with Oliver. The new doctor is older and a bit testy but super kind to the kids. He first looks at E and cannot see in her ears as they are packed with wax. We hold her down and he tries to remove some of the wax and is successful enough in the one ear to see she has a raging ear infection. (I swear the old doctor looked in her ears last Thursday and didn't say a thing) When I asked about the shape of her head he says "she has laid somewhere for a very long time". Makes me tear up.
Then it is John's turn. He is not happy but tries and cooperates pretty well. The doctor says yes this is all viral but the fever and knock in his chest have him suspicious of pneumonia. So he sends us off to the radiology place down the road after a much needed dose of Tylenol. So, after a couple hours and much bribery John's x-ray is done and we are told to return to the pediatrician's office. I know this means pneumonia and am just praying they don't have to admit him to the hospital. That is the last thing this kid needs. They said it isn't too bad of a case and give him an antibiotic injection (poor kid) but I know it will quickly put him on the mend. We leave their office at 5:45 after about 4 hours of being in doctor's offices. I told Don my new phone paid for itself with Disney Channel on it!!! John and Elizabeth were so good, bless their little hearts. How the heck does a kid have pneumonia and was just to the doctor two days before? How did they miss this? I made all my phone calls to Ann Marie and the Guardian ad Litem on my way home and drove through Sonic for a lovely dinner. I threw my food down quick and fed Lizzie and then ran to have Rx's filled while Don put kids to bed.
John and Oliver are up now. First thing Oliver says is "where's Lizzie?" I am keeping John home again today and they both go back to the doctor on Monday for follow ups. I wonder where we would be if I had listened to their old pediatrician? In the hospital in a few days? Good news is that we got the kids in better care and are out of the Medicaid doctor nightmare! Don keeps telling me we have to just focus on our purpose, the kids. He is right but man is it challenging. The social worker said to me "if the kids are too much for you" and I said "it isn't the kids, it is dealing with the system that is too much"....
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
What I woke up to this morning!
The next post is the super sweet letter my daughter left for me this morning. She is so sweet and wise beyond her 17 years. I am truly blessed to be her Momma!
Today I also woke up to "Fun John" as we are calling him. Last nights phone call was a disaster but provided John and I the opportunity to lay on my bed and talk and spend some quiet time alone. We talked about "Sad John" and "Fun John" and how it is ok to be sad and it is also ok to have fun and enjoy his time with us. But, that Fun John is the guy who needs to get dressed in the morning and sit at the breakfast table. Honestly, I think the big influence is riding around in the Power Wheels Truck but I can try and believe it is my sweet talking and masterful mothering! LOL!!
Today I also woke up to "Fun John" as we are calling him. Last nights phone call was a disaster but provided John and I the opportunity to lay on my bed and talk and spend some quiet time alone. We talked about "Sad John" and "Fun John" and how it is ok to be sad and it is also ok to have fun and enjoy his time with us. But, that Fun John is the guy who needs to get dressed in the morning and sit at the breakfast table. Honestly, I think the big influence is riding around in the Power Wheels Truck but I can try and believe it is my sweet talking and masterful mothering! LOL!!
Good Morning Momma!
Never forget that I love you! You are doing the right thing for these kids, as frustrating as it may be! One day, I will fix all wrongs in the system so people who actually deserve to be parents are parents.:)
Love,
Fred
Love,
Fred
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Crazy Day Tuesday
Oh boy, what have I gotten myself in to? Yesterday and today have been a bit overwhelming for me. I am feeling better at this moment short of the disaster my house has turned in to. For those who know me well, housekeeping is not one of my strong points so when I say it is a mess it is pretty bad. My kitchen counters are covered and my kitchen floor is disgusting and I am allowing a baby to crawl on it. I have 4 baskets of laundry to fold and put away. Tomorrow the social worker comes for her weekly visit in our last chat of the day today I told her to not look at my floors and she laughed.
John has become a silent stiff body most of the time expcept for his constant coughing. Breakfast and getting out the door was just about the end of my fostering. Fortunately he went to school and I was able to recover my whits. We decided going in to this that we would never call and ask to have children removed from us unless it was dangerous or detrimental for our other kids. I know people who have had attachment difficulties and have disrupted their adoptions/placements and never really understood it but have tried to be supportive of them. Well this last week has opened my eyes to their plight. John has challenged my patience, love and understanding unlike any 40 year old has much less a 4 year old. It is not that I blame him or don't understand that it is an unbelievably horrific experience that he lives every day. But, when you have child who refuses to speak to you, acknowledge you or be a participant in the simplest of tasks it really challenges you. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have violent children or those with much more severe issues than John. Deep down he is a really sweet little boy and he was the one that sat at the dinner table tonight but from the time I woke him this morning till about 4:30 I didn't see him. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
This morning after our disasterous start, Oliver, Elizabeth and I went to Oliver's speech therapy and Elizabeth's PT, OT and feeding therapy. We got stuck in traffic (spring break and spring training make for a nightmare) and were late. Don met me there to take Oliver to his therapy while I attended Elizabeth's. You can only imagine Oliver running around while I try to pay attention to E. So Mom was there again this week. She got a bit confrontational with me about Sunday and the kids' care or in my opinion lack of it. In court on Monday (unsuccessful) my version of things was present by their social worker and guardian ad litem. I cut Mom off and said my responsibility is with the kids and I have a duty to report everything that occurs. She had the dirtiest feet...overgrown toenails that curled with black stuff under them and in the cuticles...I almost hurled! She took about 5 or 6 phone calls on her cell phone and was more interested in debating everything with me than seeing what we can do to help Elizabeth. I try to work with her several times a day on the floor. She is crawling all fours and wasn't last Tuesday:)
We then went to lunch with Don and picked John up from school. Brought Oliver home to spend time with Brynn. I look John and Elizabeth to John's doctor to figure the cough out. He refused to cooperate with his exam:( But just has croup, he is better already!
Enough complaining! I do like it but just wish I could get ahead of the game. I don't seem to find time for other things and know the kids aren't ready for me to have others care for them. We will figure this out. We may only have John till mid April when there is the next hearing. Little E will probably be around for a while. I have decided from now on we will only have one baby for a foster child. Of course being me I will change my mind:)
John has become a silent stiff body most of the time expcept for his constant coughing. Breakfast and getting out the door was just about the end of my fostering. Fortunately he went to school and I was able to recover my whits. We decided going in to this that we would never call and ask to have children removed from us unless it was dangerous or detrimental for our other kids. I know people who have had attachment difficulties and have disrupted their adoptions/placements and never really understood it but have tried to be supportive of them. Well this last week has opened my eyes to their plight. John has challenged my patience, love and understanding unlike any 40 year old has much less a 4 year old. It is not that I blame him or don't understand that it is an unbelievably horrific experience that he lives every day. But, when you have child who refuses to speak to you, acknowledge you or be a participant in the simplest of tasks it really challenges you. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have violent children or those with much more severe issues than John. Deep down he is a really sweet little boy and he was the one that sat at the dinner table tonight but from the time I woke him this morning till about 4:30 I didn't see him. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
This morning after our disasterous start, Oliver, Elizabeth and I went to Oliver's speech therapy and Elizabeth's PT, OT and feeding therapy. We got stuck in traffic (spring break and spring training make for a nightmare) and were late. Don met me there to take Oliver to his therapy while I attended Elizabeth's. You can only imagine Oliver running around while I try to pay attention to E. So Mom was there again this week. She got a bit confrontational with me about Sunday and the kids' care or in my opinion lack of it. In court on Monday (unsuccessful) my version of things was present by their social worker and guardian ad litem. I cut Mom off and said my responsibility is with the kids and I have a duty to report everything that occurs. She had the dirtiest feet...overgrown toenails that curled with black stuff under them and in the cuticles...I almost hurled! She took about 5 or 6 phone calls on her cell phone and was more interested in debating everything with me than seeing what we can do to help Elizabeth. I try to work with her several times a day on the floor. She is crawling all fours and wasn't last Tuesday:)
We then went to lunch with Don and picked John up from school. Brought Oliver home to spend time with Brynn. I look John and Elizabeth to John's doctor to figure the cough out. He refused to cooperate with his exam:( But just has croup, he is better already!
Enough complaining! I do like it but just wish I could get ahead of the game. I don't seem to find time for other things and know the kids aren't ready for me to have others care for them. We will figure this out. We may only have John till mid April when there is the next hearing. Little E will probably be around for a while. I have decided from now on we will only have one baby for a foster child. Of course being me I will change my mind:)
Monday, March 8, 2010
The weekend
The weekend flew by and I am sad to lose my helper with the kids a.k.a Don. John had a pretty tough weekend. He just breaks my heart. The kids had a visit with Mom yesterday afternoon and it was a disaster! I got a call from her friend half way through the visit to be told Elizabeth hadn't been taken out of her carseat the entire time and wasn't fed lunch (fortunately we sent John with his lunch in his hands). Not sure why this friend didn't intervene but I think she has had her fill of Mom. The visit was from noon to 3:00 and poor E never got lunch. The friend who was supervising took everyone to the park/baseball fields as it was her son's picture day. John played with all the kids, Elizabeth sat in her carseat and Mom talked on the phone. Anymore it just makes me mad. When I met everyone to get the kids back John threw up twice in the parking lot. All Mom said was "you didn't chew your food"...what the heck? His cough is awful and he is coughing up flem non-stop but I think this was more due to stress. I called the doctor when we got home and they said really he just has to get rid of the flem that has built up from not having nebulizer treatments for so long. Really sad, last thing this kid needs.
There is an emergency re-hearing this morning on the shelter of the kids. So, I was on the phone with the friend who supervises visits and the guardian ad litem several times trying to get all the information properly communicated. Mom moved in to a trailer on Saturday and is thinking she will get the kids back. The neglect portion of the case is all new and not really well documentate yet. Everyone involved says she won't be getting them back today. My thoughts are that she is too lazy and self-involved to take care of them properly. I know now why Elizabeth's head is so mishaped, she has spent way way way too much time in her carseat.
Church yesterday was interesting. Oliver was only too happy to go to the nursery after children's sermon while John wanted to stay with Mr. Don. Elizabeth was only happy to make the rounds sitting with all of our great friends whom are like aunts and uncles to our kids. John even dozed off on my lap for a few minutes and was super good playing on the floor during the sermon.
I just feel awful for these kids! Oliver seems to be doing well but is having a tough time getting enough sleep with the big change in our routine. Brynn is doing better and wanted to go to the hearing today to make sure these kids are not returned home. Please pray for these kids' well being!
There is an emergency re-hearing this morning on the shelter of the kids. So, I was on the phone with the friend who supervises visits and the guardian ad litem several times trying to get all the information properly communicated. Mom moved in to a trailer on Saturday and is thinking she will get the kids back. The neglect portion of the case is all new and not really well documentate yet. Everyone involved says she won't be getting them back today. My thoughts are that she is too lazy and self-involved to take care of them properly. I know now why Elizabeth's head is so mishaped, she has spent way way way too much time in her carseat.
Church yesterday was interesting. Oliver was only too happy to go to the nursery after children's sermon while John wanted to stay with Mr. Don. Elizabeth was only happy to make the rounds sitting with all of our great friends whom are like aunts and uncles to our kids. John even dozed off on my lap for a few minutes and was super good playing on the floor during the sermon.
I just feel awful for these kids! Oliver seems to be doing well but is having a tough time getting enough sleep with the big change in our routine. Brynn is doing better and wanted to go to the hearing today to make sure these kids are not returned home. Please pray for these kids' well being!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Forgot to mention
Oliver gave Miss Elizabeth a night (his blankie that is a diaper) yesterday when I was rocking her. Super sweet! And John wants a night but Oliver isn't ready to share one with him yet.
Day five
Things are continuing to progress well and we seem to be in a pretty good routing. John is really having a tough time. His behavior is getting worse but underneath it all we see a sweet little boy with a pretty damaged perception of the world. I know that it is going to be rough for a while with him as he learns to trust us. He is supposed to be going to some group therapy for kids to help with this. Hopefully that will happen soon. He did his nebulizer treatments great on Friday and got to go to the store and picked out a truck. As I type, Don is fighting him for his morning treatment. He got an "alligator" mask yesterday with his new nebulizer that he seems to like. It has stuff painted on it. I will take a picture and post soon.
I need a break at some point today.....just an hour away. Tomorrow the kids go with mom for a few hours in the afternoon but my in-laws are coming down for the day with some other family. Not sure when I will get my house looking presentable but who really cares, right?
I need a break at some point today.....just an hour away. Tomorrow the kids go with mom for a few hours in the afternoon but my in-laws are coming down for the day with some other family. Not sure when I will get my house looking presentable but who really cares, right?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Days three and four
Day three was interesting. It was a long day for me and I think Brynn too! She was a big help and we ventured out to Kohl's together. John asked her to push him in the cart:) I managed the two little ones in the double stroller, it is too wide for Kohl's! We made it 30 minutes unlike Brynn's anticipated 20 minutes round trip and never getting out of the car.
Elizabeth is a happier camper now that I have discovered her love of pacifiers! I find it very odd that Mom didn't clue me in to this before when I asked about settling her down. Today, we went to the doctor and the kids' guardian ad litem came with us. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without her! She is a very with it and fun retired lady who loves kids. She was a teacher all her life and ended her career at the high school alternative learning center in Ft. Myers. God love her! Got some good information from the doctor after a stressful and unpleasant start. Got E referrals for some specialists to properly evaluate her. And both kids are supposed to be on the nebulizer several times a day. So, we have had one delivered so far this evening and a second is on the way. Not sure why E's had to be replaced but hers is pretty grubby even after I scrubbed it. The tubing is green....
John has had a tough couple of days. Poor kid! Yesterday he was sad as he had talked to mom and she had visited Dad (against several court orders). Not really sure why Mom would tell him any of it. He was able to share it with Brynn. He really loves her. Today John had a field trip to the fair. Mom was given permission to go along as the kids' former temporary guardian was also going. She was there when we got to school today and was there when I picked him up. It really makes for a sad and upset kid. I really believe that overall it is good for the kids to have contact but in this situation it is all so upsetting for John. Also, Mom, former temp. guardian and the teacher are "friends" and I am concerned that John is being told that all of us are bad. It is like one kid walks in to the school and another walks out. I have talked to the social worker about it and we are going to see what can be done. The guardian ad litem also had the same concern and was relieved when I expressed my concerns. We will find a way to have the boy that was having the time of his life on the swingset today more of the time.
She gave me the ultimate compliment today. It felt really nice as she has been a GAL for many years. I am determined to help these kids and really don't care if I rock the boat doing it. I know they are going back to Mom and want them all to have a shot at breaking what appears to be a very sad, hard cycle of life in their family.
Little Elizabeth is a love! She is just 18 lbs. and is almost 14 months. The crawling is getting better and I am working with her on the floor a couple times a day on pulling up, etc. She just eats it up. The doctor couldn't explain her very flat head to me but my gut sure tells me. We had several great meals today and not one puking (except Johnn after his nebulizer treatment).....we are making progress as she threw up 3 times yesterday.
And, the O man and Brynn are hanging in there. I know it is very tough for them. Oliver seems to love having John around and even does try to help Elizabeth by offering her toys, sticker, and french fries! Brynn is being a really big help! She is overwhelmed by it all but is trying to overcome it. The last two days Elizabeth has napped from about 11:30-1:30 (give or take 15 minutes) which gives me a couple hours alone with Oliver. It really helps. I think we are finding our groove and it will continue to get better. I do see some of John's behaviors worsening and more acting out but we are going to start some therapy for that soon.
Don and I are tired but doing pretty good. I don't think either of us regret this at all. We are commited to John and Elizabeth as long as they are with us. I will not be a party to them being moved to another foster home. We both believe the only way to be foster parents is to stick it out. But, it is no where near anything we could even not want to be in. We do hope to learn for our future fostering though. Better know what we are equipped to handle, etc.
Ok, time for me to find the couch! Thanks to everyone for your love, support and concern and especially all the prayers. Speaking of which I am not keeping up in my own conversations with God! Yikes!
Tanya
Elizabeth is a happier camper now that I have discovered her love of pacifiers! I find it very odd that Mom didn't clue me in to this before when I asked about settling her down. Today, we went to the doctor and the kids' guardian ad litem came with us. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without her! She is a very with it and fun retired lady who loves kids. She was a teacher all her life and ended her career at the high school alternative learning center in Ft. Myers. God love her! Got some good information from the doctor after a stressful and unpleasant start. Got E referrals for some specialists to properly evaluate her. And both kids are supposed to be on the nebulizer several times a day. So, we have had one delivered so far this evening and a second is on the way. Not sure why E's had to be replaced but hers is pretty grubby even after I scrubbed it. The tubing is green....
John has had a tough couple of days. Poor kid! Yesterday he was sad as he had talked to mom and she had visited Dad (against several court orders). Not really sure why Mom would tell him any of it. He was able to share it with Brynn. He really loves her. Today John had a field trip to the fair. Mom was given permission to go along as the kids' former temporary guardian was also going. She was there when we got to school today and was there when I picked him up. It really makes for a sad and upset kid. I really believe that overall it is good for the kids to have contact but in this situation it is all so upsetting for John. Also, Mom, former temp. guardian and the teacher are "friends" and I am concerned that John is being told that all of us are bad. It is like one kid walks in to the school and another walks out. I have talked to the social worker about it and we are going to see what can be done. The guardian ad litem also had the same concern and was relieved when I expressed my concerns. We will find a way to have the boy that was having the time of his life on the swingset today more of the time.
She gave me the ultimate compliment today. It felt really nice as she has been a GAL for many years. I am determined to help these kids and really don't care if I rock the boat doing it. I know they are going back to Mom and want them all to have a shot at breaking what appears to be a very sad, hard cycle of life in their family.
Little Elizabeth is a love! She is just 18 lbs. and is almost 14 months. The crawling is getting better and I am working with her on the floor a couple times a day on pulling up, etc. She just eats it up. The doctor couldn't explain her very flat head to me but my gut sure tells me. We had several great meals today and not one puking (except Johnn after his nebulizer treatment).....we are making progress as she threw up 3 times yesterday.
And, the O man and Brynn are hanging in there. I know it is very tough for them. Oliver seems to love having John around and even does try to help Elizabeth by offering her toys, sticker, and french fries! Brynn is being a really big help! She is overwhelmed by it all but is trying to overcome it. The last two days Elizabeth has napped from about 11:30-1:30 (give or take 15 minutes) which gives me a couple hours alone with Oliver. It really helps. I think we are finding our groove and it will continue to get better. I do see some of John's behaviors worsening and more acting out but we are going to start some therapy for that soon.
Don and I are tired but doing pretty good. I don't think either of us regret this at all. We are commited to John and Elizabeth as long as they are with us. I will not be a party to them being moved to another foster home. We both believe the only way to be foster parents is to stick it out. But, it is no where near anything we could even not want to be in. We do hope to learn for our future fostering though. Better know what we are equipped to handle, etc.
Ok, time for me to find the couch! Thanks to everyone for your love, support and concern and especially all the prayers. Speaking of which I am not keeping up in my own conversations with God! Yikes!
Tanya
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Day two....
Today went better than yesterday but then again John went to school from 8:00-1:45 and Don came home at 4:00 and Brynn was home by dinner time. Oliver got his nap in today which was huge for him because he is such a sleeper. John is almost two years older and can do without a nap much easier. Elizbath is not a napper or a least I cannot figure it out. I guess I have been fortunate to get a 30 minute one out of her once during the day.
The mom is interesting. Sadly she isn't very educated and has no idea how to be an advocate or active parent to her kids. There is an older brother that lives with the maternal grandparents. E needs to get some help medically and Mom has no idea how to do it or that it really needs done. The kids' guardian ad litem and I are going to work together and get it done and help Mom to learn how to be her daughter's advocate. If you can't fight the system you might as well try and help the kids get better parents out of it.
Oliver and I had some time alone today which was nice and having two kids most of the day was better. I was proud of myself this morning when I had three kids fed, dressed with teeth brushed at 7:30 this morning including a nebulizer treatment! There is hope for me yet!
I ran out while E was at therapy today and got John shoes that fit, socks, underwear and a pair of clearance jeans. He proudly showed it all to Don and Brynn tonight at separate times. He is so excited about it....we picked out tomorrows outfit which also was a shirt with the tags on it (Target clearance that I bought for O), new socks, new shoes, etc. He cannot believe he has Lightning McQueen underwear. Just breaks my heart, I will never think of a new pair of shoes the same again in my life. His mom is going on a field trip with his class on Thursday and he is already planning what to wear for his mom to see. I know it gave Brynn and Don some perspective today too.
Okay, the cute thing is....John is taking to Brynn! He came and took her hand tonight and asked her to play trains and to read him a bedtime story. I know my daughter's heart will be forever changed by this one little boy. Oliver sure did! They also packed up his "old" clothes in his suitcase together to save for when he goes home. I will be sure to send him home with lots of his "new" stuff too! I did keep a couple of his things for home in the mix but most were not things I would let Oliver play in the dirt in:(
The mom is interesting. Sadly she isn't very educated and has no idea how to be an advocate or active parent to her kids. There is an older brother that lives with the maternal grandparents. E needs to get some help medically and Mom has no idea how to do it or that it really needs done. The kids' guardian ad litem and I are going to work together and get it done and help Mom to learn how to be her daughter's advocate. If you can't fight the system you might as well try and help the kids get better parents out of it.
Oliver and I had some time alone today which was nice and having two kids most of the day was better. I was proud of myself this morning when I had three kids fed, dressed with teeth brushed at 7:30 this morning including a nebulizer treatment! There is hope for me yet!
I ran out while E was at therapy today and got John shoes that fit, socks, underwear and a pair of clearance jeans. He proudly showed it all to Don and Brynn tonight at separate times. He is so excited about it....we picked out tomorrows outfit which also was a shirt with the tags on it (Target clearance that I bought for O), new socks, new shoes, etc. He cannot believe he has Lightning McQueen underwear. Just breaks my heart, I will never think of a new pair of shoes the same again in my life. His mom is going on a field trip with his class on Thursday and he is already planning what to wear for his mom to see. I know it gave Brynn and Don some perspective today too.
Okay, the cute thing is....John is taking to Brynn! He came and took her hand tonight and asked her to play trains and to read him a bedtime story. I know my daughter's heart will be forever changed by this one little boy. Oliver sure did! They also packed up his "old" clothes in his suitcase together to save for when he goes home. I will be sure to send him home with lots of his "new" stuff too! I did keep a couple of his things for home in the mix but most were not things I would let Oliver play in the dirt in:(
Monday, March 1, 2010
Day one of fostering!
Holy cow I am exhuasted! What a day today was for all of us. Oliver had speech therapy this morning. The social worker/case manager was supposed to be at our house at 12:00 but we were both running late so they got here about 12:30. She forgot the custody letter and phone numbers that I needed along with other pertinent information. She didn't even know if the kids had eaten. WHATEVER! I got to work with the system I have been give not try to fight it, right? So she left me a hungry 4 year old boy who is very lonely and sad, a 13 month old little girl who is more like 6 or 7 month old in size and in development, a dirty diaper bag with 2 outfits for the baby, some diapers, baby food and a nebulizer. Nothing for poor John.
So, we had lunch. Chicken nuggets, mini corn dogs, tater tots, carrots, and fruit what every 2 and 4 year old boy loves. John warmed up to me pretty quick asking for ranch and more food:) I fed the baby two jars of stage 2 baby food and some juice from a sippy cup. She did feed herself some Gerber puffs. Then I made some calls. Lizzie goes to speech, occupational and physical therapy on Tuesday mornings. So, tomorrow we will go to them (bmom is coming, not sure about how I feel about it). And John and I got to talk to his preschool teacher and so he is going back there tomorrow! He is very excited and his teacher was much relieved to hear from both of us. She said the fact that he is talking to me is huge, he is very very shy.
The baby barely napped, not sure how to get her down. Going to ask Mom tomorrow for how to accomplish it amongst other things. Oliver and I rocked and had a bottle but no nap for him either. I am hoping to change all that, I could really use an hour break. Oliver and John had a lot of fun today playing together. John can't believe all the toys and the swing set in the backyard and got big eyed over the pool and water. After an early dinner (Lizzie threw hers up all over) we all got in the car and went to meet their former (for a week) foster mom to get John's suitcase and for me to get a quick demo on a nebulizer.
Home for baths and bed. Lizzie went down at 7:00 and the boys at 8:00 with no problems. John gave me a hug and a kiss. He was so excited to get two drawers in the nightstand next to his bed in Oliver's room and a toothbrush that he got to pick from my stash. So sweet! He had some rough times today, welled up with tears that he misses his mom. Oh, the cutest thing....Lizzie had to have her finger and toe nails clipped and he then wanted his done, then Oliver his. It was just too cute that they all wanted them done and all sat still as could be for me to do them.
How am I doing? It was a tough day, I missed my time with Oliver but know he was fine. He was having a great time and didn't seem to mind that I was having to tend to two other kids. I didn't get to focus on his eating like I should of but I will with time. I plan to do breakfast and lunch while John is at school which should help. John is in school 8:00 to 1:45 Monday through Friday. I am hoping as the days go by I learn better how to manage my time and juggle three kids. I was basically home alone with them today, Brynn was just home for a couple of hours that involved a nap....this has to be tough for her too. She isn't working too much this week and Don has a break between mini-terms so he is only gone Monday and Wednesday evenings this week. I just have to remember to ask God to guide me many times each day and to give me strength but overall it was a great day!
Tomorrow should be interesting and each day will get better!
So, we had lunch. Chicken nuggets, mini corn dogs, tater tots, carrots, and fruit what every 2 and 4 year old boy loves. John warmed up to me pretty quick asking for ranch and more food:) I fed the baby two jars of stage 2 baby food and some juice from a sippy cup. She did feed herself some Gerber puffs. Then I made some calls. Lizzie goes to speech, occupational and physical therapy on Tuesday mornings. So, tomorrow we will go to them (bmom is coming, not sure about how I feel about it). And John and I got to talk to his preschool teacher and so he is going back there tomorrow! He is very excited and his teacher was much relieved to hear from both of us. She said the fact that he is talking to me is huge, he is very very shy.
The baby barely napped, not sure how to get her down. Going to ask Mom tomorrow for how to accomplish it amongst other things. Oliver and I rocked and had a bottle but no nap for him either. I am hoping to change all that, I could really use an hour break. Oliver and John had a lot of fun today playing together. John can't believe all the toys and the swing set in the backyard and got big eyed over the pool and water. After an early dinner (Lizzie threw hers up all over) we all got in the car and went to meet their former (for a week) foster mom to get John's suitcase and for me to get a quick demo on a nebulizer.
Home for baths and bed. Lizzie went down at 7:00 and the boys at 8:00 with no problems. John gave me a hug and a kiss. He was so excited to get two drawers in the nightstand next to his bed in Oliver's room and a toothbrush that he got to pick from my stash. So sweet! He had some rough times today, welled up with tears that he misses his mom. Oh, the cutest thing....Lizzie had to have her finger and toe nails clipped and he then wanted his done, then Oliver his. It was just too cute that they all wanted them done and all sat still as could be for me to do them.
How am I doing? It was a tough day, I missed my time with Oliver but know he was fine. He was having a great time and didn't seem to mind that I was having to tend to two other kids. I didn't get to focus on his eating like I should of but I will with time. I plan to do breakfast and lunch while John is at school which should help. John is in school 8:00 to 1:45 Monday through Friday. I am hoping as the days go by I learn better how to manage my time and juggle three kids. I was basically home alone with them today, Brynn was just home for a couple of hours that involved a nap....this has to be tough for her too. She isn't working too much this week and Don has a break between mini-terms so he is only gone Monday and Wednesday evenings this week. I just have to remember to ask God to guide me many times each day and to give me strength but overall it was a great day!
Tomorrow should be interesting and each day will get better!
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