First visit with birthmom

Today was Matson and my first visit with his birthmom. It seemed to go pretty well. We met at a park and walked around the farmer's market and then sat and talked for a while. She held him and played with him. She seemed to be fairly sober but not overly so. She doesn't seem to have any desire to change her mind. She told me her dream had died 4 months ago. Her dream was of a family, pretty sad. I bought a prepaid phone that we will use for phone calls with her. She is supposed to call me to work out the next visit, the ball is in her court now. She had promised a letter for Matson to have one day and some pictures but showed up empty handed today. I am not confident we will see each other too many more times. I am doing the visits while Oliver is in school so as to not confuse her.

Oliver was the cutest yesterday when he tried teaching his baby brother to color! He keeps wanting to call him Angelo Maxim the extreme. As he is Oliver Maxim the extreme! The closeness of Matson and Maxim is confusing him. He will get it. I opted to not tell his birthmom his new name today, I don't want to rock the boat. I am leaving all the touchy stuff alone for now until everything is final. She cannot change her mind but I just don't want to make things miserable for all of us. She gave us an incredible gift!

He has a name

Well the name debate has been ongoing. On Saturday Brynn and I made up a short list of names. The girls were down to Camden (Stephanie's choice), Preston and Matson (Brynn and Michelle liked both). On Sunday Don asked Stephanie if she like Preston or Matson and she said she didn't care. So on Monday on the way home from Disney with my parents we all talked and I asked Don if he had a preference. He said he thought Matson since he could call him Matt or Matty. You have to understand that Don is a plain Jane name guy. That he has this rule it has to be on the kid bicycle plates at the store. He really doesn't get it that everyone comes us with different names anymore. So then we were down to Matson or Mattson. Matson was my maternal grandmother's maiden name. I wanted it for Oliver but when his name was Maxim I thought Matson Maxim sounded terrible so I moved on. After speaking with my aunt on the spelling (the second t was dropped by my great grandfather for some reason) we still didn't know. Finally, I figured out Oliver is 6 letters so we went with one "t" so Matson would be two letters. So he is now known as Matson Angelo Baer. His name will be officially changed as part of the adoption proceedings. It is tough to remember to call him Matson!

Success!

What a very crazy and hectic morning but a successful one! The plan was for M to come in at 9:30 to the case manager's office to sign the paperwork and then we would bring A at 10:30 for a visit. When I got out of the shower at 9:30, I got a voicemail message saying M wanted to change them around things with the visit being first. We quickly flew out of the house (I forgot deodorant) and as we were pulling in at about 10:10 the case manager called to say M had stormed out of the signing upset about the paperwork stating that visitation was up to the adoptive parents. We pulled in and M saw us so I went up to talk to her and asked her to sit down with Don and I and talk. Fortunately today was Don's day off and he was with me. We all sat in a conference room and talked for a long time. Long story short is that I asked her to trust us with visitation just as she is trusting us to raise him and always love him. I told her that as of right now I am fine with visits but cannot tell her how things will play out down the road. Don asked her to write A a letter for him to someday read when he asks, etc. So then she decided to sign the papers. The case manager supervisor came and talked to her alone and wasn't entirely sure. M came out and we all talked about it and the supervisor felt more comfortable so they decided to get it done. The papers have to be read by the case manager with two witnesses and a notary present and it all has to be tape recorded. The notary asked me to leave (Don and the boys had already gone outside)! I was happy as I really didn't want it to ever be an issue that I was present. M never had second thoughts about letting him go just the visitation and his name. I told her we would keep Angelo as part of his name but couldn't promise more. I also promised to send letters and pictures through the PO Box no matter what. I told her about my prayers for her to find peace with this and hopefully she will. She has an amazing strength I do not have but doing this, she has given A two amazing gifts. So she signed! Seemed to take forever and ever! I am sad for her and her loses and have so much compassion for her.......she and God have given us an amazing gift! Now on to the adoption part!

9:30 today

Angelo's birthmom's appointment is at 9:30 this morning and then we are taking him for a visit at 10:30. So we will know if she signed at 10:30! I will post when we get home later today what is up. Praying for her to find peace with all of this. I have a sign in my family room that says "peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of God".....I truly hope she finds God's presence in her life and decision!

Not so sure!

Well a lot has changed in the last 24 hours! At 1:49 a.m. the birthmom texted Angelo's guardian ad litem that she had made a decision and decided to let him go......this morning she called the case manager and cancelled her appointment for today to come up with a new visitation schedule and made an appointment for Friday to come in and sign the volunatary relinquishment paperwork.........I am praying that she follows through. She did say today that she knew this yesterday but was too embarassed to say it in court in front of so many people (full audience for cases after hers) and the judge. She just needs to speak with her attorney between now and then to meet a requirement of Florida law. I will be happy when the paperwork is signed and the 3 days to revoke it has passed. Please pray for Angelo!!!

And, what will the three girls decide to call him???? We have given them the pleasure of naming him, but all three have to agree, and we have final veto power!

Ugh!

Things are not proceeding as we had hoped. The birthmom has not signed the paperwork relinquishing her parental rights. Makes me so sad! There was a judicial review hearing yesterday and the judge has increased her requirements to get him back, things she has said in the past she won't do. She said in court she is considering the adoption but isn't ready to sign yet. The judge did add adoption as a concurrent case plan goal. We go back in March for the next hearing. She has so much to try and accomplish. I did appreciate that the judge remembered her from her last time in his courtroom for two of her other children, means he knows her history. So now we just wait and pray for something to happen. I am feeling used and abused by her at this point but can understand and appreciate how seriously she is taking this. I had a crazy phone converstation with her the other day and decided she really doesn't understand adoption. She doesn't want us to change his name (even his last name), wants weekly visits forever, and wants to stay "Mom" and I be something else. I also realized how mental illness doesn't allow a person to see things clearly as she kept saying the most bizarre things to me. We cannot agree to her conditions as she is looking for permanent guardians or foster parents for him not and adoptive family. She just doesn't want to do the very long list of things the judge is requiring of her. It is all heartbreaking. I am leaving it in God's hands, where it needs to be. Please pray for Angelo to have a happy, well adjust life in spite of all of this. We love him and will care for him as long as we can.

The big news

Last Thursday we got a big surprise......Angelo's birthmom asked us to adopt him. After an incredibly long weekend filled with silence, tears, praying, sleepless nights, a moving sermon directed at us and yes, some arguing but not much. We decided to say yes on Monday after we had a question answered which was (Would she be willing to consider another family for Angelo if we said no?). On Monday we took Oliver and Angelo to the park and I set out to make some calls. Before I could even ask A's case manager to ask the birthmom, Angelo's guardian ad litem called me and said the birthmom had called him and really wanted to know our answer because if we said no she was going to try and figure out how to keep him. Well needless to say our question was answered and I said "tell her we will adopt him". The girls seem to be taking it well and understand our decision. We feel blessed and pray Angelo won't mind old parents!

We now have begun the wait for the birthmom to sign the paperwork and the state to proceed with the termination of parental rights. There is a hearing on Tuesday and we are hopeful that the termination portion can be heard and entered by the judge then. Prayers are needed to get this all accomplished. I am frustrated as it is not everyone's priority........