Update

Matson has RSV so all of his craniofacial stuff is on hold. We are currently scheduled for CT scan on January 4th and follow up appointment on the 5th. We did have our first visit with the adoption counselor today and gave her all of our paperwork!!!! The girls just have to have fingerprinting done and fill out letters about us as parents this coming week. Reference checks and getting the fingerprinting results back will take some time. They are saying 2 to 6 months to complete the adoption. Would love to have court on February 20th so the boys could share adoption day and we could turn it in to "family day"! Time will tell.....

Prayers Needed

Just wanted to ask for everyone to pray for Matson. We saw a craniofacial specialist on Wednesday and we are now going for CT of his skull on the 14th and will return to the specialist on the 15th for the results. He is suspicious that Matson's sutures (spaces between skull plates) have prematurely closed. He has a couple bumps on his head that appear to be from this. He said best case he is looking at helmet therapy for several months and worst case he would have to have craniofacial surgery to open up the sutures and remove the excess bone. Praying for helmet therapy!

We are headed on vacation with the boys for the next week. We are headed to cold weather country to see family and friends and the Biltmore all decorated for Christmas. We have plans almost every day but it should be wonderful to sit in front of a fire and have to wear a jacket. Not sure what the boys will think but I am guessing they will both be cold. My Russian redneck does not like the cold too much:) That Russian blood thinned quick!

One more thing, we are supposed to be referred to an adoption counselor next week and get the adoption ball rolling! About time! Haven't heard from the birthmom since Veteran's Day, not sure what to think but I am enjoying it.

Termination of Parental Rights Hearing

This morning was the hearing for the termination of parental rights for Matson's birthmom and I guess also the birthfather. I went and took Matson with me as the timing was perfect with Oliver's school. It was pretty uneventful but the judge is a big advocate for birthparents and reunification. He asked some questions that made me, the case manager, and guardian ad litem all a little bit nervous. He was fishing to see if there was any possibility of her getting it together. In the end he terminated the parental rights and said to me "see you in a couple of months", meaning the adoption hearing. Now to get to that point.....

First visit with birthmom

Today was Matson and my first visit with his birthmom. It seemed to go pretty well. We met at a park and walked around the farmer's market and then sat and talked for a while. She held him and played with him. She seemed to be fairly sober but not overly so. She doesn't seem to have any desire to change her mind. She told me her dream had died 4 months ago. Her dream was of a family, pretty sad. I bought a prepaid phone that we will use for phone calls with her. She is supposed to call me to work out the next visit, the ball is in her court now. She had promised a letter for Matson to have one day and some pictures but showed up empty handed today. I am not confident we will see each other too many more times. I am doing the visits while Oliver is in school so as to not confuse her.

Oliver was the cutest yesterday when he tried teaching his baby brother to color! He keeps wanting to call him Angelo Maxim the extreme. As he is Oliver Maxim the extreme! The closeness of Matson and Maxim is confusing him. He will get it. I opted to not tell his birthmom his new name today, I don't want to rock the boat. I am leaving all the touchy stuff alone for now until everything is final. She cannot change her mind but I just don't want to make things miserable for all of us. She gave us an incredible gift!

He has a name

Well the name debate has been ongoing. On Saturday Brynn and I made up a short list of names. The girls were down to Camden (Stephanie's choice), Preston and Matson (Brynn and Michelle liked both). On Sunday Don asked Stephanie if she like Preston or Matson and she said she didn't care. So on Monday on the way home from Disney with my parents we all talked and I asked Don if he had a preference. He said he thought Matson since he could call him Matt or Matty. You have to understand that Don is a plain Jane name guy. That he has this rule it has to be on the kid bicycle plates at the store. He really doesn't get it that everyone comes us with different names anymore. So then we were down to Matson or Mattson. Matson was my maternal grandmother's maiden name. I wanted it for Oliver but when his name was Maxim I thought Matson Maxim sounded terrible so I moved on. After speaking with my aunt on the spelling (the second t was dropped by my great grandfather for some reason) we still didn't know. Finally, I figured out Oliver is 6 letters so we went with one "t" so Matson would be two letters. So he is now known as Matson Angelo Baer. His name will be officially changed as part of the adoption proceedings. It is tough to remember to call him Matson!

Success!

What a very crazy and hectic morning but a successful one! The plan was for M to come in at 9:30 to the case manager's office to sign the paperwork and then we would bring A at 10:30 for a visit. When I got out of the shower at 9:30, I got a voicemail message saying M wanted to change them around things with the visit being first. We quickly flew out of the house (I forgot deodorant) and as we were pulling in at about 10:10 the case manager called to say M had stormed out of the signing upset about the paperwork stating that visitation was up to the adoptive parents. We pulled in and M saw us so I went up to talk to her and asked her to sit down with Don and I and talk. Fortunately today was Don's day off and he was with me. We all sat in a conference room and talked for a long time. Long story short is that I asked her to trust us with visitation just as she is trusting us to raise him and always love him. I told her that as of right now I am fine with visits but cannot tell her how things will play out down the road. Don asked her to write A a letter for him to someday read when he asks, etc. So then she decided to sign the papers. The case manager supervisor came and talked to her alone and wasn't entirely sure. M came out and we all talked about it and the supervisor felt more comfortable so they decided to get it done. The papers have to be read by the case manager with two witnesses and a notary present and it all has to be tape recorded. The notary asked me to leave (Don and the boys had already gone outside)! I was happy as I really didn't want it to ever be an issue that I was present. M never had second thoughts about letting him go just the visitation and his name. I told her we would keep Angelo as part of his name but couldn't promise more. I also promised to send letters and pictures through the PO Box no matter what. I told her about my prayers for her to find peace with this and hopefully she will. She has an amazing strength I do not have but doing this, she has given A two amazing gifts. So she signed! Seemed to take forever and ever! I am sad for her and her loses and have so much compassion for her.......she and God have given us an amazing gift! Now on to the adoption part!

9:30 today

Angelo's birthmom's appointment is at 9:30 this morning and then we are taking him for a visit at 10:30. So we will know if she signed at 10:30! I will post when we get home later today what is up. Praying for her to find peace with all of this. I have a sign in my family room that says "peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of God".....I truly hope she finds God's presence in her life and decision!

Not so sure!

Well a lot has changed in the last 24 hours! At 1:49 a.m. the birthmom texted Angelo's guardian ad litem that she had made a decision and decided to let him go......this morning she called the case manager and cancelled her appointment for today to come up with a new visitation schedule and made an appointment for Friday to come in and sign the volunatary relinquishment paperwork.........I am praying that she follows through. She did say today that she knew this yesterday but was too embarassed to say it in court in front of so many people (full audience for cases after hers) and the judge. She just needs to speak with her attorney between now and then to meet a requirement of Florida law. I will be happy when the paperwork is signed and the 3 days to revoke it has passed. Please pray for Angelo!!!

And, what will the three girls decide to call him???? We have given them the pleasure of naming him, but all three have to agree, and we have final veto power!

Ugh!

Things are not proceeding as we had hoped. The birthmom has not signed the paperwork relinquishing her parental rights. Makes me so sad! There was a judicial review hearing yesterday and the judge has increased her requirements to get him back, things she has said in the past she won't do. She said in court she is considering the adoption but isn't ready to sign yet. The judge did add adoption as a concurrent case plan goal. We go back in March for the next hearing. She has so much to try and accomplish. I did appreciate that the judge remembered her from her last time in his courtroom for two of her other children, means he knows her history. So now we just wait and pray for something to happen. I am feeling used and abused by her at this point but can understand and appreciate how seriously she is taking this. I had a crazy phone converstation with her the other day and decided she really doesn't understand adoption. She doesn't want us to change his name (even his last name), wants weekly visits forever, and wants to stay "Mom" and I be something else. I also realized how mental illness doesn't allow a person to see things clearly as she kept saying the most bizarre things to me. We cannot agree to her conditions as she is looking for permanent guardians or foster parents for him not and adoptive family. She just doesn't want to do the very long list of things the judge is requiring of her. It is all heartbreaking. I am leaving it in God's hands, where it needs to be. Please pray for Angelo to have a happy, well adjust life in spite of all of this. We love him and will care for him as long as we can.

The big news

Last Thursday we got a big surprise......Angelo's birthmom asked us to adopt him. After an incredibly long weekend filled with silence, tears, praying, sleepless nights, a moving sermon directed at us and yes, some arguing but not much. We decided to say yes on Monday after we had a question answered which was (Would she be willing to consider another family for Angelo if we said no?). On Monday we took Oliver and Angelo to the park and I set out to make some calls. Before I could even ask A's case manager to ask the birthmom, Angelo's guardian ad litem called me and said the birthmom had called him and really wanted to know our answer because if we said no she was going to try and figure out how to keep him. Well needless to say our question was answered and I said "tell her we will adopt him". The girls seem to be taking it well and understand our decision. We feel blessed and pray Angelo won't mind old parents!

We now have begun the wait for the birthmom to sign the paperwork and the state to proceed with the termination of parental rights. There is a hearing on Tuesday and we are hopeful that the termination portion can be heard and entered by the judge then. Prayers are needed to get this all accomplished. I am frustrated as it is not everyone's priority........

Some Photos

Two Kirov Cuties!

Time to catch up

The last few weeks have been very eventful for our family. John went home permantly (we hope) on the 22nd of July and seems to be doing well. As I type this Don is seeing him for the first time. We have all talked on the phone several times and he seems happy. It will be interesting to hear how things went.

On Monday July 26th, Oliver, Angelo and I drove to Orlando to see my very dear friend, Donna and 3 of her kids. Her daughter, Ally was in a softball tournament and we got to watch her play several times. I think of Donna as my kindred spirit. We just fit in together and there are no false pretenses. Donna is the most down to earth person and she just knows me. We have so many birthdays and anniversaries in common that our stars must have aligned. Her son, Daniel is 10 months older than Oliver and was adopted from the Kirov City Baby Home 10 months before Oliver. Donna and I became friends when Danny was home about a week and they live in Souther California. Russian adoption is really the luck of the draw so when we got Oliver's referral, I somehow knew God's hand was involved. Ally's team won the tournament and Ally got MVP of the tournament.

We came home Wednesday night to turn around and head out Thursday evening to head home to Omaha. Angelo stayed with my friend Amy and did pretty well give the circumstances. Thank you Amy and Justine. Our church family was hit with a horrible loss on Friday night. We got the call about 9:30 central time that our dear friends, Tommy and Karen's 11 year old son had been killed in a boating accident in the Keys that evening. The majority of our week in the midwest was spent with our hearts and minds with our family back in Fort Myers, tears frequently filled Don and I's eyes and we looked at each for comfort. I need to explain to you all that we all live in SW Florida away from our families and have all formed an amazing bond, one that God's hand created. When Don's nephew was tragically killed in an auto accident a couple of years ago we realized what a family we have at our church and how they would hold us up but never realized it would be a reality.

Today, was our first day back at church and I am not sure how they all stood so strong during this tragic time as I just wanted to fall apart. In this amazingly small world I am yet amazed at how God's hand can work. Karen has a good friend and former neighbor who has a daughter from Russia and when we started talking Russian adoption bubbly Karen said "You have to talk to my friend Kathy Durkee". Well I did and Kathy and I chat every now and then about things in the adoption world and convey messages through Karen and about Karen to each other. Kathy was able to drive down this week to support Karen and Tommy. She was able to provide them love and support when we couldn't and was able to witness first hand our amazing church family. They had over 800 people attend Michael's service Wednesday! Totally amazing.....please pray for Tommy, Karen, Eric and Christopher Duda as they somehow face life without Michael......

We are now preparing for Brynn to head off to Stetson on Friday and move in to her dorm on Saturday morning. Bittersweet is all I can say. She turned 18 on the 6th, another bittersweet moment. Oliver and Angelo are great and we are all doing good too! More later, have to take Brynn to her birthday dinner two days late.

John is leaving us

I went to John's reunification staffing today and it was decided that John would be going home tomorrow evening. He could have gone home tonight but Don has a union meeting tonight and it would probably be best for him to be a part of it. I am honestly (not proudly) looking forward to John going home. I need some peace and quiet and time to work on some of Oliver's less than pleasant learned behaviours. The worst one is "don't say that" with his hand up over and over again every time you say something to him that he doesn't want to hear.....

Angelo is doing good. He was adjudicated a dependent of the State of Florida today and became a long term foster child. His mom's drug screen from last week came back positive today too. The judge ordered that unsupervised visits be worked on and eventually allowed but he didn't know about the positive drug screen. Not really sure how it works from here. Also Mom has no real place to live for them to do a homestudy. So, I am not sure where this will lead for all of us.

Next week should be fun as Oliver, Angelo and I are all off to Orlando for 3 days to visit my dear friend Donna and her Kirov cutie, Daniel! Cannot wait. We are then home for about 24 hours and then off to Omaha for a visit. Angelo is staying with my good friend, Amy while we are gone.....crazy times ahead!

Quick Update

Baby Angelo is still with us, had his one month well baby visit yesterday and is thriving at 10lbs. 14oz. and 22.5" long! He is growing like a weed. Oliver and the rest of us are slowly falling in love with the little sweetie. Things are not going well for his mom at this point. She was evicted from her place yesterday and has a long way to go now before she would be able to get Angelo back. Yes, his name is growing on me. He is still a great sleeper and just wakes once or twice each night to eat. We have had probably four or five rough nights in the last weeks. I am not complaining one drop.

John was supposed to be going home in a few weeks but we have had a major hiccup in the plans. His mom up and decided to take off to Indiana because of a friend's relative's impending death but it never happened. She missed one weekday visit and last weekend's overnight visit. After the fact we were told that the relative has had cancer for many years and mom had only met her a couple of times. Well Mom is finally back and John is seeing her today for the first time in a week and a half. Hopefully things will now be back on track. He has been devastated by this all. So sad!

We have done some great stuff with him in the last weeks. He has a bucket list that we are working on. This poor kid had never been to a swimming pool, the beach, a baseball game, zoo or much else. I honestly think he believed Walmart was the only store in town. On his bucket list there were five things left and we are slowly checking them off. We went to the Mote Aquarium in Sarasota, a petting zoo in the Orlando area with some dear friends (hoping for the Naples Zoo too) he has dinner at the fire station scheduled for next week (2nights as the A and B shifts both want the opportunity), have to find a train for him to ride yet and there is one more that escapes me right now. My mind is going!

Oliver is having a language explosion and is blowing us away. He still has some frustrating times when really important stuff gets repeated over and over and we cannot figure out what he has to say. Brynn is counting down the days till she moves away to Stetson. There are days I am sad and other days I cannot wait. I think God makes teens so challenging so it is easier to see them leave the nest. Steph is doing good and Michelle passed her boards a couple weeks ago and is licensed RN now!

Change in plans....

Well it has been a long time since I updated everyone on the goings on. It has been a really crazy month. Brynn graduated magna cum laude from high school on June 5th and we had lots of family come to town to help us celebrate. Hard to believe she is headed off to college 2 months from today seems like yesterday she was toddling around getting in to mischief! She is going to Stetson University in DeLand where he grandmother lives. When she was very young, we would drive through the Stetson campus and she would say "I am going to go to college here." Dreams do come true!

I decided last week to not take Elizabeth back when she steps down from medical foster care. I just wasn't excited about the amount of time she would require of me and to continue my or our involvement with the kids' bio family. They continue to smoke around the kids and their asthma continues to flair up as a result. The mom likes to constantly cause drama amongst the child welfare people, John's teachers, Lizzie's foster mom and me. I am just burned out. So last week I talked to Don and he agreed. I also spoke with Lizzie's foster mom and she thought Lizzie would be fine in another foster home. So I let them all know of our decision last Thursday. We decided that once John goes home we would take a month or so off from fostering to take a family vacation to Omaha, to get Brynn situated at school and for Oliver to start his 2 day a week speech class. And that we would get a fresh start in September.

Well that all changed today, a short 5 days after the "decision".......it started off with Oliver taking every magazine out of my Nebraska copper tub and bringing a magazine to me with a baby on it and saying "dat Lizzie". He sees her once or twice week and seems to miss her. So, I asked him "do you miss Lizzie?" "Yes" he replies. So then I say "would like to have another baby around here?" "Yes." he again replies. A short while later (maybe 30 minutes) the phone rings and it is Lutheran Services general number, I really don't want to answer as I am sure it is about another of the bio mom's complaints. I answer it instead of procrastinating the inevitable. It was the new placement coordinator wanted to know what age children we were willing to accept. "the younger the better" is my response. "So you would take a newborn?" My heart melts at the words. I love the innocence of a newborn, the ease of their inability to talk back, the lack of baggage that comes with a newborn. So I say "Can I call my husband and call you back in 5 minutes?" I know what Don is going to say but figure I can convince him. He of course says "NO!" and then I explain the situation and that I already told them about our vacation and they said no problem they would get respite care. And he goes for it!

So baby Angelo has arrived! He is sweet and just 7 days old. He comes with a sad story. All I know is that his mother has lost previous kids and his father passed away this last week. There are family members of the father's that have expressed an interest but they are not holding out hope. I drove down to the hospital after Brynn got home from school and picked him up in the NICU. The nurses were awesome and gave me a quick refresher course as it has been 18 years since I had a newborn. It was so nice to hear kind words about taking him, when we all know that I really do this for my own desires and needs. He is doing good and we are enjoying him. I think he is probably a blend of Caucasian and Latin/Hispanic but I am not sure. He has a "Caucasian" last name.. For now he is "Baby". The boys love him and Brynn is watching him from across the room. I didn't rate for good night kisses from the boys but he did. And, he has already been to Target! I will update more as I can!

Miss Elizabeth may be returning!

I found out from Elizabeth's medical foster mom yesterday that they are planning to release Elizabeth from medical foster care sometime the end of June. The kids' case manager supervisor was out to visit us yesterday but didn't know anything about it. Elizabeth has an appointment on the 21st with a craniofacial surgeon/specialist. That appoinment will tell Children's Medical Services more about her future treatment. If she needs surgery or many appointments on the East coast of Florida, she may stay where she is longer. Also, there is another hearing on the 26th regarding their mom's request for reunification. Not excited about them going back to a situation that I know isn't great or even good for them but I do know it is out of my hands. I will update everyone as I hear more. No one seems to know anything certain, as usual!

Long Overdue Update

Sorry I haven't posted in way too long but things have been a bit crazy but much better around here. Elizabeth was moved to medical foster care on Friday, April 23rd. She doesn't have cystic fibrosis but needed more care than is to be expected of a "normal" foster mom. I am much relieved to not have all of her added therapies to try and accomplish each day. Her new foster mom has been fostering for 12 years. She is a retired nurse and has the time to give Elizabeth. She is her only little one, she has a son who is 12 that she adopted through foster care and her 52 year old daughter and her husband live with her. She and her daughter spend their day caring for Elizabeth. I also am very happy as it gets Elizabeth in the Children's Medcial Services system. She now has a nurse assigned to her along with a case manager for her medical conditions. She will be in their system for a long time and once she is reunified with her mom, the services continue. She is going to see a craniofacial doctor in Miami in a couple weeks to see about reshaping her skull. This is something I couldn't manage time wise and once she is fitted with a helmet she has to go to Miami every 2 weeks, just not feasible with two boys.

John is doing better, his behaviours have improved but I continue to learn more and more alarming things about him and his previous life. All of which, I sadly know, he will return to:( Breaks my heart. Reunification will probably take place sometime this summer. We are looking at unsupervised visits starting the end of May, they usually happen for 4-8 weeks before we start overnight visits for 4-8 weeks and then if all goes well reunification will happen. We are hoping to be out of town most of the month of July so I am not sure how it will all play out. Elizabeth's foster mom offered to take John for a couple of weeks, if needed. I really don't want them to have to move him but know that is what may happen. We were initially told we would have the kids 30 to 60 days.

Don graduated with his bachelors of applied science in public administration this past Thursday and Saturday Michelle graduated with her bachelors of science in nursing!!! We have been busy getting our house and yard back in shape and then had much of Don's family come for graduation this past week. Brynn is done with classes and graduates on June 5th!! She is going to Stetson on August 14th to start the next chapter in her life. I am sad but so excited for her to live her dream. She is making her mama proud!!!

Need to make some decisions

I am deeply saddened to say that I am starting to rethink this placement and maybe fostering.....I really hate to face the reality of it for John and Elizabeth. I just feel like I am drowning in puke, pee, poop and snot. Not to mention the never ending doctors' appointments and medical testing, and then there is the horrible child welfare system that we are all subjected to be a part of. This system is not designed for the welfare of the children but instead how the government can cut costs at the expense of the kids. The rights of the parents outweighs the interests of the children by 10 to 1.

Last week we found out that the kids' case manager had quit her job (not that I blame her) and to date no one has been assigned to take her place. I have been told that they are extremely short staffed due to budget cuts and people quitting as their pay has been cut. Tomorrow is court and I am really not sure who knows this case well enough to represent it to a judge.....but the reality is that I don't think it really matters. Mom is going to get these kids back at some point and will never be the mom that these kids deserve! I am feeling so down right now that I really don't care if John is ordered back tomorrow but I know that won't happen because 5 weeks after mom moved, no one has done her homestudy yet so it cannot happen.

John continues to have more accidents than I can handle, I think even Don is tired of clean up. The daycare that I finally got them both in is not sure if they will allow him to stay because they don't want to clean them up. No one has an answer how to help him and make the regression improve anytime soon. He continues to be hyperactive, rude and bossy but then again sweet at times. I totally see in him the domestic violence that he witnessed, to him that is the normal way to treat people. He has gone from not being able to count to 3 just 6 weeks ago to consistently counting to 12. He is quickly learning his alphabet too! But then John does something terribly disturbing and I find myself dreading being with him. Not a proud thing to admit.

Elizabeth really is a mess. She screams more than anyone wants to listen to, hours on end if not the center of my attention. She does this to her daycare lady too! Her feeding issues are better! However, we went to a pulminologist last week and he is suspicious she has cystic fibrosis. If you are someone who has known me long you know that this disease is near to my heart. A fellow classmate of mine from elementary through high school (he was also a neighbor) had it and also a close friend of mine in high school had it. They both passed away at young ages and I know the really sad reality of it. I am praying constantly that it is not Elizabeth's future. She has all the symptoms and today the pediatrician seemed to agree with the pulmonologist:( Nothing less than heartbreaking.

I would like to recap my last day and a half so you all can see what a day in the life is and please be honest if I am not being right to question my decision:
Tuesday
6:00 up and at am to shower, etc
6:50 get kids up and fed
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth, dress boys brush teeth
7:35 leave to take John to school
8:00 drop John off
8:20 return home to pack Elizabeth food for feeding therapy
8:45 leave to drive to South Fort Myers
9:30 therapy for Elizabeth and Oliver
11:25 a.m. - leave PT, OT and feeding for Elizabeth with bio-mom and grandpa/speech for Oliver in South Fort Myers (Healthpark)
11:25-12:15 drive back to North Fort Myers to drop Elizabeth off at daycare/feed Oliver and I McDonalds in the car on the way
12:30 p.m. - pick up John
1:00 - arrive home and fold two loads laundry
1:30 - John mental health counselor arrives for play therapy/try to put Oliver down for nap
2:15 - guardian ad litem arrives to talk to counselor
2:45 - everyone leaves
2:45 - 5:00 - clean up house, entertain boys (Oliver never napped)
5:00 - leave to pick up Elizabeth
5:30 - return home
6:00 - dinner -John throws up during dinner and goes to bed with many tears, etc. and is running fever
6:30 - bath Elizabeth and then Oliver
6:50 - 7:10 Elizabeth nebulizer treatment
7:15 - Elizabeth bottle and bed
8:00- Oliver to bed
9:00 - Don arrives home
9:30 - Brynn arrives home and I get to eat dinner
10:00 - off to bed for me
Wednesday
5:30 a.m. Don gets up and I start stirring
6:00 up and in the shower
6:30 boys are both up on their own, Don gives them breakfast
6:50 wake Elizabeth and feed her breakfast
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth and get John to get dressed
7:35 out the door to take John to school
7:50 approaching the school when Elizabeth pukes up her breakfast in her carseat
7:55 drop John off
8:20 arrive home to bathe Elizabeth, clean carseat, pack bags for day and eat breakfast myself and move laundry around and then locate old carseat for the day
9:15 leave to drive back to South Fort Myers for Elizabeth's speech therapy
10:00-30 speech therapy
11:00 Elizabeth's 15 month well baby visit, turns in to sick visit due to fever and ear infection
12:00-12:30 drive to pick John up, eat Wendy's in the car - told John may have head lice
1:00 drop John and Elizabeth off at daycare (probably shouldn't have)
1:30 call to come pick kids up
2:00 back home

Am I crazy??? Or is it really a lot to do? In between I am cleaning up all the bodily fluids I can find. Elizabeth's nose runs 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. Maybe I am just a whiner... (could be!) I did call today and say "I need help" only to be told they are too short staffed to do much more than move the kids to a new foster home. I am hoping something will happen in court tomorrow or at John's school meeting Tuesday or something or we may be moving the kids......

Easter Weekend in Review

We had a fun but crazy weekend and Easter. On Friday the kids had their Easter visit with their Mom. John had to start the day off to a really bad start by having a bm in his underwear and trying to hide it/cover it up. Let's just say it was not a fun job cleaning up the mess. It is obviously behavioral because the "accidents" seem to correlate with the visits....so sad. He starts therapy tomorrow here at the house, I am praying it helps him. I am not sure how many more of these things I can take. I feel bad for him but also know that it is somewhat within his control. The visit itself seemed to go fine and John was fine when I got him back, his behavior wasn't the greatest but he also didn't scream and cry this time.

After they got home we loaded up and headed to Orlando to spend Easter with our parents. The drive up was great. We stayed with my mom and step-dad and spent Sunday morning with Don's parents. The three kids are a bit much for anyone much less our parents who are used to pretty quiet lives.....they all did pretty great. For some reason John was super hyper all weekend, not sure if it was the change in environment or what....who knows? Elizabeth did pretty well. Oliver was wanting some alone time with the grandparents and John had some jealousy issues. Overall pretty great though...the drive home was not so wonderful but we made it one piece.

Elizabeth has started daycare and I am much relieved. I am trying to get John in the rest of this week as it is spring break and he is pretty overwhelming for me to handle 24 hours a day. Not the proudest thing I have ever said but it is honest. The kids are a bit much to handle all day everyday. I am home 2-3 days a week all day by myself as Don has school in the evenings right after work. I think having a bit of down time will be good for all of us.

Two Boys Destroying a box!

Pics

Oliver's big news....

We had Oliver's IEP meeting today with the school district. He leaves the Early Intervention program next month when he turns 3 next month and is being transitioned in to the school district for services. His only delay now is speech. His testing revealed that he understands everything we say, which we already knew. He is just significantly delayed in his expressive language and has some pretty big problems with articulation (pronunciation). He was placed in to the school district's part-time speech program which means he will either go to school on Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday in the fall for 2.5 hours each day. He can even ride the bus, not sure if we will let him though. He could start at the end of April when he turns 3 but we have decided to wait till fall to send him. He will stay with his current speech language pathologist whom he loves (I do too) till then. It didn't make much sense to change everything when he would end up getting no services over the summer.

I want to add in that he is talking a ton and has come such a long way! However, he does have a way to go before people are able to understand him and he can feel less frustration with communication.

Things are slowly getting better!

I am feeling a bit better about things. We seem to be making some progress with getting in to a routine and figuring out what works and keeps things calmer around here. I finally figured out that giving John and Oliver a granola bar and milk in the car is easier that trying to feed them breakfast before taking John to school at 7:30. John is in the head start Pre-K program so he gets free breakfast and lunch when he is at school. And sadly, a granola bar and milk is a great breakfast for Oliver. I have also started picking John up at 12:30 instead of 1:45. It is making a world of difference. I am working on getting all 3 of them in to a naptime routine starting at 1:00. I need a little peace for an hour or so each day. Oliver and John are doing well at napping but Elizabeth seems to not want to nap for more than 20-30 minutes in the afternoon. She does sleep 1.5 hours in the morning which gives me time with Oliver. I really hate having therapy two days in a row but don't have much choice. It makes for two crazy mornings in a row.

I have decided to send Elizabeth to daycare part-time a couple of mornings a week. It is free for us and I think it will help me immensely! I am doing it because she needs some interaction with other kids, I need some time with Oliver and to accomplish some things, and because Elizabeth needs to form positive relationships with caregivers other than Don and me. She is going to have a pretty tough time when she goes back to Mom and it has been recommended to us that this will help her in the long run. I am having a problem placing her as she isn't walking yet and many of the daycares won't accept her in their 1 year old room. She really is more like an 8 month old.

Monday I took Elizabeth to a 3 hour opthamologist appointment and felt like I was part of a three ring circus. Mom and Grandpa came and even both went in to the exam room with me. I guess the neurologist recommended it but I didn't find that out until we went to the neuro on Wednesday. The opthamologist was not impressed with the biofamily, it was embarassing. I guess several of the other grandkids that Grandma and Grandpa are raising go there already and there is an established undesirable history.

The visit to the neurologist confirmed what I think we all already knew, Elizabeth's delays and head are a result of horrible neglect......the Guardian ad litem and I met there and the bio family didn't know about it. Elizabeth is down from her November weight when they last saw her and her head hasn't grown like it should since then. He thought her delays were worse now than when he saw her in November. Makes me sick! He said we are really too late to reshape her head with helmet therpay:( He talked to Mom about it and she had chosen not to do it. It is a lot of work as the helmet needs to be reshaped a couple times a month in Miami....The good news is he thinks mentally she is good and hopefully all of her therapies will help her to catch up quickly. The guardian ad litem will relay the appointment to the judge at the April 15th hearing.

John is doing better, seems limiting contact with Mom is maybe helping. Hoping to get him in therapy/counseling in the next week. It has been a major pain in the ass! Nothing seems to come easy. He has been having more and more frequent accidents, thankfully all #1's....we have offered him a reward if he has 4 dry days in a row. Today was a successful day 1. It is pretty normal to see this kind of regression. He wants me to feed him, rock him, etc. like I do the two little ones. It is challenging. He is better physically. He has a recheck at the doctor on Tuesday and all was well! YAY!

Elizabeth still has ear infections. They are better but not great. The pediatrician wanted her off antibiotics for week before he sees her so we go back on Monday again. Tiresome and just wish she could feel good. I am transitioning her on to soy formula to see if getting off milk helps her runny nose and congestion. She also needs the calories and nutrients of the formula for a while.

I am battling with the pediatrician's office to get them to waive our Blue Cross co-pay as the kids are still on Medicaid as secondary but they won't pay the co-pay due to the fact that BC pays better than Medicaid already. They seem to understand but haven't made a decision yet. I really don't get it. Here is an example....Medicaid pays something like $20 per office visit but BC pays $45 per office visit, so they are still better off with the kids being on BC over Medicaid. I am just frustrated. I really don't want to have incur even more expenses for these kids but am not going back to the old doctor! ARGH!

My mom and step-dad are down for the weekend. They stay in a hotel and I think were grateful tonight to escape the chaos of the Baer house. Can't say I blame them. We really don't have room anymore for guests anyway. I might be able to squeeze someone on a blow-up mattress or on the twin in Oliver's room. Tomorrow is the Easter Egg Hunt at our church which I organized this year. I let a bunch of things slip but oh well! It will be fun to see the kids hunt for eggs and meet the Easter Bunny! I will post pictures. The kids have changed so much in the last weeks. Oliver has filled out and is growing in to such a boy, John looks healthy and happy and Elizabeth has put on over a pound and her color is brighter.

Don and I are doing well. Don has the creeping crud from the kids and I am finally just about over it (knock on wood). Brynn is having a hard time deciding what to do next year. I thought she was pretty set on a school but she is now leaning towards living at home and finishing up her AA at the school she is attending as an early admissions student. She seems to be coming around a little on the kids but is pretty stuck on Oliver. I keep reminding her it is only temporary but we are going to stick it out with these kids. We refuse to add to their problems!

The week in review

On Tuesday Elizabeth had her therapies (feeding, OT and PT) and Oliver had speech. Brynn was awesome and went with me and took Oliver while I did Lizzie's therapies with "Mom".....I am having a harder time with her. Honestly, I am just angry anymore with her for what she has done with these kids, I am angry with the system for allowing her to continue to disrupt their lives and knowing that they will go back and once again be neglected. While Lizzie was in feeding therapy Brynn came and got me to help get Oliver out to the car for the last 30 minutes of Lizzie's therapy. On my way back in to the office I had the chance to talk to Lizzie's occupational therapist. I asked about neglect and if it could be the cause of her delays, she had a OT student with her that day and her reply was "I was just telling my student that I think this is a result of neglect." She was on to talk about how her head was bald in her big flat spot until recently. My guess is that back in December when they started living with Bette and her family is when she started getting out off her carseat some. Bette did tell me though that Mom and Lizzie were gone all day and she suspects it was to be with Dad and so she was probably in the carseat all day then and just out when at Bette's....

Anyway, I talked about getting Lizzie in to speech therapy too. Low and behold she has been approved for it all along but Mom couldn't get her to therapy a second day a week. Well we are already there twice a week for Oliver's speech and feeding, they have to be done on separate days. So, they found her a spot on Wednesday mornings while we are there with Oliver with another speech pathologist who is a birth to three specialist. She had her first session on Wednesday and the therapist thinks she has never had the opportunity or stimulation to vocalize much. She is pretty quiet most of the time, hardly any babbling or cooing and no real words. She does know who to cry though and puts her vocal cords to good use often:) She got her second antibiotic injection on Thursday. Mom met me for that too and she was useless and didn't help with Lizzie so I could attend to Oliver, she is absolutely pathetic. The nurse goes "nice" and points Mom (out of her view) as we were leaving. I love the nurse, by the way:)

John....poor guy, this has been an eye opening week for us on what his needs really are, it is beyond what I ever imagined. First off it has become apparent that he has severe learning disabilities, he cannot count to 3 and does not know his letters or recognize his name constistently. He thinks animals are different ones, and make the wrong sounds. We are working hard but he just cannot seem to pick it up. I have spoken with both of his teachers and he now needs testing for specialized schooling next year in kindergarten. I know part of it is no one has ever worked with him before except at school, I think part of it may be fetal alcohol exposure (unknown but my guess if Lizzie has fetal alcohol syndrome) His behavior is good some days and awful some. Don found a stash of Lizzie's pacifiers (two of which he took out of her crib last night when she was in bed) and this morning we were trying to talk to him about it and he went in to the silent, angry mode and I just put him in timeout. I drug/carried him to his room and when he got in there he threw the pillows of his bed. The other day he smashed something when told to let Oliver play on his own......he also smashed Oliver's fingers. We are trying to see him through all of this and overall he is doing better now that he is feeling physically better. I know he has learned so much from his violent father. Makes me sad that this all he knows. Forgot, on Wednesday Mom spent the morning at John's school but he was so disturbed after she left and for the remainder of the day, she is no longer allowed to visit him at school. This kid just can't recover from it.

Oliver has been a real trooper through all of it. He is a bit needy and wanting Mommy more but overall enjoys having the kids. He takes care of Lizzie and loves playing with John. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays I am home alone all day and evening with the kids as Don has to either teach or go to class those evenings. It is a long three days. My dear friend Tami came over Thursday evening and helped me with baths and bed, the boys LOVE HER, and she brought me Carrabba's for after they were all in bed. It was so nice!

I am continuing to battle the system and just hate it all but keep telling myself I knew this going in to it. I am frustrated as I still haven't gotten a call from the counseling center and I keep following up on it with no luck, the kids' social worker won't give me their number so I am guessing she hasn't done her part. I am planning to go to her supervisor on Tuesday if I don't hear anything by then.

Got to go take Lizzie to the doctor!

Wishing things would get better for them

I keep praying that these kids will heal from their current ailments (pneumonia and ear infections) but sadly it doesn't seem to want to happen too quickly. Had them both back to the new pediatrician on Monday afternoon only to be told John has a ways to go but is on the mend. Elizabeth has really ugly stuff going on in her ears and he started her on antibiotic injections every 3 days for a series of 3, we go back on Thursday. She is so fussy, congested and snotty. John has a horrible cough and nose still. I swear I have never seen so much snot and vomit in all my life. I am sorry but it is really disgusting when you don't deeply love them.....

John is having ups and downs and we just keep praying for more ups than downs. I figure three steps forward, two steps back every few days. He is trusting us more but is deeply angry and I really don't blame him but it is hard to handle. I cannot decide if he is truly an angry person or it is just temporary and he will overcome it. I know he has picked up some horrible stuff from his dad's example and runs his mom as she is too lazy to fight him.

Elizabeth is doing well except her crud and ears. At therapy today they were once again really happy with her progress. I had a conversation with her occupational therapist today. She does believe in all likely hood her delays are from neglect, all the pieces now add up. A few people including Mom and the OT have told me her flat head was bald until recently, another sign of laying on her back too much. She has also made so much progress in the last weeks that it also points to neglect. Not that it really matters much but I want to rule out an underlying problem. We also need to see an audiologist to get her hearing checked. She starts speech therapy tomorrow. She has needed to go since October but Mom couldn't get a ride to the therapy place a second day a week. We already go on Wednesdays for Oliver's feeding therapy so it works for us.

Brynn seems to be doing better with things. She has actually been a huge help to me with the kids the last few days! And hasn't tried to be vacant. She had a nice conversation with the kids' social worker today. She truly cares even though the kids irritate her. They do me sometimes too but it is getting better. I know her heart is good and this is our choice that has caused total disruption in her home. I love her dearly and am so proud of her!

Oliver is really starting to love the kids. He wants to help take care of Elizabeth, puts her pacifier in her mouth and gives her his blankie. He also tries to help her and says "Mom Izzie ying" (Lizzie crying) Today he thought he would suck one of her pacifiers and kept putting it in his mouth upside down. He told her "open mouff" when he was trying to put hers back in her mouth while she cried. He is having too much fun with John. They fight and bicker but overall do pretty well together. They have a method of driving the Power Wheels truck....Oliver pushes the pedals and John steers....Oliver is then able to suck his thumb:) Two very cute boys that are growing on each other.

Someone enjoyed their bath!

Miss Elizabeth has been an ugly screaming bath in the tub since her arrival and according to John has always screamed in the bath. Well, we blew up Oliver's duck tub for her two weeks ago and have been trying to get her to play in it with no luck. Tonight all of that changed and she was just a splishin' and a splashin'....she has a way to go before she is a lover of water but it is truly a 180 degree change over the kid who arrived a little over two weeks ago. Our friend Pete is a child psychologist and told Don that she has had a trauma with water to be so scared of it, the screams were just like Oliver's in Moscow. So sad! When it was the boys' turns for baths, she even was splashin' in the water over the edge! Of course she got her jammies all wet but who cares?

The Weekend

Overall the weekend was great! The kids did well up until yesterday when it was time for the visit with Mom.....On Saturday I got to go to the grocery store alone while Don stayed home with the boys and Elizabeth napped for over 3 hours. Then my great friend Tami came over and played with the boys while I puttered around the house putting laundry away, recapturing my kitchen counters, etc. We then had a nice lunch and put the boys down for naps while Don kept an eye on Elizabeth so I could nap too. I caught the creeping crud from the kids and then put the ugly nights up with John's hacking cough I really need some rest.

Sunday morning we managed to get to church only about 5 minutes late even with daylight savings:) My friend Tami had to attend as Don and I had John asking Tami to come sit with him on Sunday. Tami has been a member of our church for a bit but hasn't been the best on attendance as of late:( She finally bribed John that she would come to church and sit with him if he ate his lunch Saturday. He did and boy did he run to her when she walked up to church! Super sweet! Thanks Tami! Tami even got John to go to Sunday school. Major steps of progress.

We then quickly came home and changed so we could meet Mom at 12:00. Grandpa is now supervising visits in a public place. His homestudy isn't complete so they cannot take the kids there. Mom of course doesn't acknowledge the kids but starts talking to me. They showed up with the kids' older brother, whom the grandparents have permanent guardianship over, and the kids' cousins, whom the the grandparents also have permanent guardianship of.....need I say more? Well, I had to wait to see how they were going to get everyone in this 5 seater car. I made sure the kids were in their carseats and we left. Oliver says "where Lizzie? where John?", he is attaching to them already. Don, Oliver and I went to BJ's (like Costco and Sams) for a much needed stock up trip of just about everything. And then we went out for lunch and back home to unload and put Oliver down for a nap (he has the creeping crud too).

Don went alone to pick up the kids. He walked in to the house with Elizabeth and said "what an awful experience" which I already knew. I guess John screamed and cried. He fell asleep in the car on the way home so Don then carried him in and he woke up in tears. Don and I spent about an hour between us trying to talk to him but he wouldn't even look at us. I think he feels disloyal to Mom if he is pleasant to us especially after a visit. So sad. He finally fell asleep and so did Elizabeth for about 20 minutes. Don got a motorcycle ride in with our friend Pete. Pete is a child psychologist and offered us some good advise on reassuring John continually that none of this is his fault, he said kids his age blame themselves. So we are working on it. Lizzie got no real nap all day just a couple of catnaps. Both kids ended up having a pretty crudy day. John ended the day being pleasant but having a really hard time going to sleep. He was then up during the night coughing and throwing up.

We are back to the doctor this afternoon. Mom was going to come but couldn't find a ride. I really don't think her coming is good for John's mental state at this point. Neither kid is really feeling great yet but we are praying that will change quickly. Don sweetly shared last night that he has more energy than he has had in a long time and knows it is God's way of telling him "you are doing the right thing".

Wednesday and Thursday

I am enjoying some quiet time this Friday morning as it is pouring rain and the house is quiet as the kids are still sleeping. Our DishTV is out due to the rain so I am going to update everyone on the last two days...one great one and one horrible day.

Wednesday ended up being a pretty great day with the kids, probably the best so far. A fun and happy John woke up, got dressed and ate breakfast. Of course, he gave me a bunch of challenges along the way but a night and day difference over the couple of days before. I took him to school and picked up a silent kid but by the time we were home he was talking and fine. I got home to a voicemail from John's teacher to call Mom about Elizabeth's upcoming doctor appointment. She knows she needs to work this through the case manager and I am the one who sets doctor appointments. Their case manager/social worker came for her weekly visit after we got home. She told me to ignore the teacher's message. By this time Elizabeth was down for her nap and I was praying for Oliver to fall asleep while reading. John was silent to Ann Marie as I expected but the end of the visit was at least acknowledging her. She was here for about an hour. She thinks I am being too soft with John and need to stop counting before pushing him as he is testing me. I told John that I am not going to continue counting and he has to start doing what I ask him to do. This is tough because I count with my own kids, maybe it is one of my parenting downfalls.....

Wednesday night I was obligated to go to church as I am "chairing" the Easter Egg Hunt at our church and we needed to start our long task of sorting and stuffing thousands of eggs. We have soup and sandwich at 6:00 and I had agreed to meet the lady is in charge of the eggs at 5:00. Well both Don and Brynn were working so that meant taking all 3 little ones with me. I put Elizabeth in the stroller and let the boys color in one of the Sunday school rooms off of the room we were all working in. When it was time for dinner, John invited our music director Bill to join us and we soon had many of the older members of our church at our table. It was a challenging meal trying to get kids to eat and have decent table manners.....shoes were placed on the table at one point. Fortunately, Don arrived and took the boys and my dear friend Amy also showed up and took Miss Elizabeth for me and I was able to enjoy a few minutes. Don then took all three kids home to put to bed while I worked at church. I actually enjoyed our Lenten service and then stayed till 9:00 working on eggs. Don said the kids were a breeze to put to bed. John was running a temperature when I felt him when I got home but I couldn't get him to wake up to take anything. It was a really great day!!!

Thursday started off with me being very optimistic and getting up to a quiet house. I felt John and he still had a temp so I decided not to wake anyone as he wasn't going to school. The first to arise was Oliver and he and I got to spend a little time snuggled in my chair before we heard Miss Elizabeth. John wasn't too far behind and got up with a high temp 102.5 and a very disgusting nose. He has had such an ugly cough and nose since we got him but this was much worse. I gave him some apple juice, Tylenol and cough syrup and put him on the couch to watch Chuggington. By this time I smelled two poopie diapers. So, I got Miss Elizabeth dressed and then moved on to Mr. Oliver. Picture diaper open and all of a sudden you hear vomiting in your family room and it running down the hallway to the bathroom. I quickly finished Oliver's diaper and walked in the bathroom to find John (bless his heart) over the toilet with the two longest snot trails coming out of each nostril. It was awful, I have never seen anything like it. So while Miss Elizabeth is screaming I was scrubbing vomit from the couch, floors, etc. I gave John some ginger ale and 2 animal crackers and put him on the other couch.

At this point I picked Elizabeth up and called the kids' pediatrician. This kid has been in there office twice in the last week so I am hopeful that they will just call in some antibiotics for him as it appears to have moved in to a respiratory infection. Nope, the nurse practitioner called me to say that it is just viral and to give him more clear liquids, etc. same thing as Tuesday. When I raised a stink she said "well I guess you could bring him in".....I just hung up. They really seemed to have missed so much with these kids over the last years, it is sad. Then John's teacher calls to tell me that Mom called her and I need to call her back as Elizabeth has a doctor's appointment. I explained what Ann Marie told me the day before and for her to have Mom call Ann Marie. Mom knew I had already taken E to the doctor the week before.

Well I then try calling Ann Marie to figure out what to do about the doctor. John is still in a miserable state, Elizabeth is miserable too with something including a nasty nose, cough and teething. I put Elizabeth in her high chair and Oliver in his chair for breakfast while I try and make some calls. I still have to spoon feed Elizabeth baby foods, etc. So I have my notepad, etc. inf front of me too......Ann Marie doesn't answer her office phone or cell phone so I call back to speak with her supervisor. This doctor is awful and I really want the kids on our insurance to get out of the Medicaid system of doctors. I make about 4 phone calls with no cooperation from anyone on how to get them to see someone else except to take them to the "free clinic".....After melting down and calling Don to come home, I give up on breakfast and wait for Don to come home. I got some more Tylenol in John and he kept it down.

After about 10 phone calls, I finally get permission to put them on our Blue Cross/Blue Shile!! I got with Don's HR person and the insurance with be retroactive to the 1st the day we got the kids but unverifiable till Friday as it takes overnight for it get in to BC/BS's system. So, I then call Oliver's pediatrician (whom I love) and they won't take the foster kids....not continuity of care. I then called another pediatrician's office that I have heard good things about and they tell me that what I want them to do is fraud by not billing till tomorrow. Fortunately, my neighbor/friend supervises all the offices of this practice but she is on vacation but someone that works directly under her finally works a miracle after many calls. At 1:30 just as John had nodded off without lunch on the family room floor and Elizabeth is napping (since 11:00) I am called an told to hurry as the kids have a 2:00 appointment about 30 minutes away.....Don and I quickly load up John and Elizabeth and I take them while Don stays home with Oliver. The new doctor is older and a bit testy but super kind to the kids. He first looks at E and cannot see in her ears as they are packed with wax. We hold her down and he tries to remove some of the wax and is successful enough in the one ear to see she has a raging ear infection. (I swear the old doctor looked in her ears last Thursday and didn't say a thing) When I asked about the shape of her head he says "she has laid somewhere for a very long time". Makes me tear up.

Then it is John's turn. He is not happy but tries and cooperates pretty well. The doctor says yes this is all viral but the fever and knock in his chest have him suspicious of pneumonia. So he sends us off to the radiology place down the road after a much needed dose of Tylenol. So, after a couple hours and much bribery John's x-ray is done and we are told to return to the pediatrician's office. I know this means pneumonia and am just praying they don't have to admit him to the hospital. That is the last thing this kid needs. They said it isn't too bad of a case and give him an antibiotic injection (poor kid) but I know it will quickly put him on the mend. We leave their office at 5:45 after about 4 hours of being in doctor's offices. I told Don my new phone paid for itself with Disney Channel on it!!! John and Elizabeth were so good, bless their little hearts. How the heck does a kid have pneumonia and was just to the doctor two days before? How did they miss this? I made all my phone calls to Ann Marie and the Guardian ad Litem on my way home and drove through Sonic for a lovely dinner. I threw my food down quick and fed Lizzie and then ran to have Rx's filled while Don put kids to bed.

John and Oliver are up now. First thing Oliver says is "where's Lizzie?" I am keeping John home again today and they both go back to the doctor on Monday for follow ups. I wonder where we would be if I had listened to their old pediatrician? In the hospital in a few days? Good news is that we got the kids in better care and are out of the Medicaid doctor nightmare! Don keeps telling me we have to just focus on our purpose, the kids. He is right but man is it challenging. The social worker said to me "if the kids are too much for you" and I said "it isn't the kids, it is dealing with the system that is too much"....

What I woke up to this morning!

The next post is the super sweet letter my daughter left for me this morning. She is so sweet and wise beyond her 17 years. I am truly blessed to be her Momma!

Today I also woke up to "Fun John" as we are calling him. Last nights phone call was a disaster but provided John and I the opportunity to lay on my bed and talk and spend some quiet time alone. We talked about "Sad John" and "Fun John" and how it is ok to be sad and it is also ok to have fun and enjoy his time with us. But, that Fun John is the guy who needs to get dressed in the morning and sit at the breakfast table. Honestly, I think the big influence is riding around in the Power Wheels Truck but I can try and believe it is my sweet talking and masterful mothering! LOL!!

Good Morning Momma!

Never forget that I love you! You are doing the right thing for these kids, as frustrating as it may be! One day, I will fix all wrongs in the system so people who actually deserve to be parents are parents.:)
Love,
Fred

Crazy Day Tuesday

Oh boy, what have I gotten myself in to? Yesterday and today have been a bit overwhelming for me. I am feeling better at this moment short of the disaster my house has turned in to. For those who know me well, housekeeping is not one of my strong points so when I say it is a mess it is pretty bad. My kitchen counters are covered and my kitchen floor is disgusting and I am allowing a baby to crawl on it. I have 4 baskets of laundry to fold and put away. Tomorrow the social worker comes for her weekly visit in our last chat of the day today I told her to not look at my floors and she laughed.

John has become a silent stiff body most of the time expcept for his constant coughing. Breakfast and getting out the door was just about the end of my fostering. Fortunately he went to school and I was able to recover my whits. We decided going in to this that we would never call and ask to have children removed from us unless it was dangerous or detrimental for our other kids. I know people who have had attachment difficulties and have disrupted their adoptions/placements and never really understood it but have tried to be supportive of them. Well this last week has opened my eyes to their plight. John has challenged my patience, love and understanding unlike any 40 year old has much less a 4 year old. It is not that I blame him or don't understand that it is an unbelievably horrific experience that he lives every day. But, when you have child who refuses to speak to you, acknowledge you or be a participant in the simplest of tasks it really challenges you. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have violent children or those with much more severe issues than John. Deep down he is a really sweet little boy and he was the one that sat at the dinner table tonight but from the time I woke him this morning till about 4:30 I didn't see him. Heartbreaking, isn't it?

This morning after our disasterous start, Oliver, Elizabeth and I went to Oliver's speech therapy and Elizabeth's PT, OT and feeding therapy. We got stuck in traffic (spring break and spring training make for a nightmare) and were late. Don met me there to take Oliver to his therapy while I attended Elizabeth's. You can only imagine Oliver running around while I try to pay attention to E. So Mom was there again this week. She got a bit confrontational with me about Sunday and the kids' care or in my opinion lack of it. In court on Monday (unsuccessful) my version of things was present by their social worker and guardian ad litem. I cut Mom off and said my responsibility is with the kids and I have a duty to report everything that occurs. She had the dirtiest feet...overgrown toenails that curled with black stuff under them and in the cuticles...I almost hurled! She took about 5 or 6 phone calls on her cell phone and was more interested in debating everything with me than seeing what we can do to help Elizabeth. I try to work with her several times a day on the floor. She is crawling all fours and wasn't last Tuesday:)

We then went to lunch with Don and picked John up from school. Brought Oliver home to spend time with Brynn. I look John and Elizabeth to John's doctor to figure the cough out. He refused to cooperate with his exam:( But just has croup, he is better already!

Enough complaining! I do like it but just wish I could get ahead of the game. I don't seem to find time for other things and know the kids aren't ready for me to have others care for them. We will figure this out. We may only have John till mid April when there is the next hearing. Little E will probably be around for a while. I have decided from now on we will only have one baby for a foster child. Of course being me I will change my mind:)

The weekend

The weekend flew by and I am sad to lose my helper with the kids a.k.a Don. John had a pretty tough weekend. He just breaks my heart. The kids had a visit with Mom yesterday afternoon and it was a disaster! I got a call from her friend half way through the visit to be told Elizabeth hadn't been taken out of her carseat the entire time and wasn't fed lunch (fortunately we sent John with his lunch in his hands). Not sure why this friend didn't intervene but I think she has had her fill of Mom. The visit was from noon to 3:00 and poor E never got lunch. The friend who was supervising took everyone to the park/baseball fields as it was her son's picture day. John played with all the kids, Elizabeth sat in her carseat and Mom talked on the phone. Anymore it just makes me mad. When I met everyone to get the kids back John threw up twice in the parking lot. All Mom said was "you didn't chew your food"...what the heck? His cough is awful and he is coughing up flem non-stop but I think this was more due to stress. I called the doctor when we got home and they said really he just has to get rid of the flem that has built up from not having nebulizer treatments for so long. Really sad, last thing this kid needs.

There is an emergency re-hearing this morning on the shelter of the kids. So, I was on the phone with the friend who supervises visits and the guardian ad litem several times trying to get all the information properly communicated. Mom moved in to a trailer on Saturday and is thinking she will get the kids back. The neglect portion of the case is all new and not really well documentate yet. Everyone involved says she won't be getting them back today. My thoughts are that she is too lazy and self-involved to take care of them properly. I know now why Elizabeth's head is so mishaped, she has spent way way way too much time in her carseat.

Church yesterday was interesting. Oliver was only too happy to go to the nursery after children's sermon while John wanted to stay with Mr. Don. Elizabeth was only happy to make the rounds sitting with all of our great friends whom are like aunts and uncles to our kids. John even dozed off on my lap for a few minutes and was super good playing on the floor during the sermon.

I just feel awful for these kids! Oliver seems to be doing well but is having a tough time getting enough sleep with the big change in our routine. Brynn is doing better and wanted to go to the hearing today to make sure these kids are not returned home. Please pray for these kids' well being!

Forgot to mention

Oliver gave Miss Elizabeth a night (his blankie that is a diaper) yesterday when I was rocking her. Super sweet! And John wants a night but Oliver isn't ready to share one with him yet.

Day five

Things are continuing to progress well and we seem to be in a pretty good routing. John is really having a tough time. His behavior is getting worse but underneath it all we see a sweet little boy with a pretty damaged perception of the world. I know that it is going to be rough for a while with him as he learns to trust us. He is supposed to be going to some group therapy for kids to help with this. Hopefully that will happen soon. He did his nebulizer treatments great on Friday and got to go to the store and picked out a truck. As I type, Don is fighting him for his morning treatment. He got an "alligator" mask yesterday with his new nebulizer that he seems to like. It has stuff painted on it. I will take a picture and post soon.

I need a break at some point today.....just an hour away. Tomorrow the kids go with mom for a few hours in the afternoon but my in-laws are coming down for the day with some other family. Not sure when I will get my house looking presentable but who really cares, right?

Days three and four

Day three was interesting. It was a long day for me and I think Brynn too! She was a big help and we ventured out to Kohl's together. John asked her to push him in the cart:) I managed the two little ones in the double stroller, it is too wide for Kohl's! We made it 30 minutes unlike Brynn's anticipated 20 minutes round trip and never getting out of the car.

Elizabeth is a happier camper now that I have discovered her love of pacifiers! I find it very odd that Mom didn't clue me in to this before when I asked about settling her down. Today, we went to the doctor and the kids' guardian ad litem came with us. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without her! She is a very with it and fun retired lady who loves kids. She was a teacher all her life and ended her career at the high school alternative learning center in Ft. Myers. God love her! Got some good information from the doctor after a stressful and unpleasant start. Got E referrals for some specialists to properly evaluate her. And both kids are supposed to be on the nebulizer several times a day. So, we have had one delivered so far this evening and a second is on the way. Not sure why E's had to be replaced but hers is pretty grubby even after I scrubbed it. The tubing is green....

John has had a tough couple of days. Poor kid! Yesterday he was sad as he had talked to mom and she had visited Dad (against several court orders). Not really sure why Mom would tell him any of it. He was able to share it with Brynn. He really loves her. Today John had a field trip to the fair. Mom was given permission to go along as the kids' former temporary guardian was also going. She was there when we got to school today and was there when I picked him up. It really makes for a sad and upset kid. I really believe that overall it is good for the kids to have contact but in this situation it is all so upsetting for John. Also, Mom, former temp. guardian and the teacher are "friends" and I am concerned that John is being told that all of us are bad. It is like one kid walks in to the school and another walks out. I have talked to the social worker about it and we are going to see what can be done. The guardian ad litem also had the same concern and was relieved when I expressed my concerns. We will find a way to have the boy that was having the time of his life on the swingset today more of the time.

She gave me the ultimate compliment today. It felt really nice as she has been a GAL for many years. I am determined to help these kids and really don't care if I rock the boat doing it. I know they are going back to Mom and want them all to have a shot at breaking what appears to be a very sad, hard cycle of life in their family.

Little Elizabeth is a love! She is just 18 lbs. and is almost 14 months. The crawling is getting better and I am working with her on the floor a couple times a day on pulling up, etc. She just eats it up. The doctor couldn't explain her very flat head to me but my gut sure tells me. We had several great meals today and not one puking (except Johnn after his nebulizer treatment).....we are making progress as she threw up 3 times yesterday.

And, the O man and Brynn are hanging in there. I know it is very tough for them. Oliver seems to love having John around and even does try to help Elizabeth by offering her toys, sticker, and french fries! Brynn is being a really big help! She is overwhelmed by it all but is trying to overcome it. The last two days Elizabeth has napped from about 11:30-1:30 (give or take 15 minutes) which gives me a couple hours alone with Oliver. It really helps. I think we are finding our groove and it will continue to get better. I do see some of John's behaviors worsening and more acting out but we are going to start some therapy for that soon.

Don and I are tired but doing pretty good. I don't think either of us regret this at all. We are commited to John and Elizabeth as long as they are with us. I will not be a party to them being moved to another foster home. We both believe the only way to be foster parents is to stick it out. But, it is no where near anything we could even not want to be in. We do hope to learn for our future fostering though. Better know what we are equipped to handle, etc.

Ok, time for me to find the couch! Thanks to everyone for your love, support and concern and especially all the prayers. Speaking of which I am not keeping up in my own conversations with God! Yikes!
Tanya

Day two....

Today went better than yesterday but then again John went to school from 8:00-1:45 and Don came home at 4:00 and Brynn was home by dinner time. Oliver got his nap in today which was huge for him because he is such a sleeper. John is almost two years older and can do without a nap much easier. Elizbath is not a napper or a least I cannot figure it out. I guess I have been fortunate to get a 30 minute one out of her once during the day.

The mom is interesting. Sadly she isn't very educated and has no idea how to be an advocate or active parent to her kids. There is an older brother that lives with the maternal grandparents. E needs to get some help medically and Mom has no idea how to do it or that it really needs done. The kids' guardian ad litem and I are going to work together and get it done and help Mom to learn how to be her daughter's advocate. If you can't fight the system you might as well try and help the kids get better parents out of it.

Oliver and I had some time alone today which was nice and having two kids most of the day was better. I was proud of myself this morning when I had three kids fed, dressed with teeth brushed at 7:30 this morning including a nebulizer treatment! There is hope for me yet!

I ran out while E was at therapy today and got John shoes that fit, socks, underwear and a pair of clearance jeans. He proudly showed it all to Don and Brynn tonight at separate times. He is so excited about it....we picked out tomorrows outfit which also was a shirt with the tags on it (Target clearance that I bought for O), new socks, new shoes, etc. He cannot believe he has Lightning McQueen underwear. Just breaks my heart, I will never think of a new pair of shoes the same again in my life. His mom is going on a field trip with his class on Thursday and he is already planning what to wear for his mom to see. I know it gave Brynn and Don some perspective today too.

Okay, the cute thing is....John is taking to Brynn! He came and took her hand tonight and asked her to play trains and to read him a bedtime story. I know my daughter's heart will be forever changed by this one little boy. Oliver sure did! They also packed up his "old" clothes in his suitcase together to save for when he goes home. I will be sure to send him home with lots of his "new" stuff too! I did keep a couple of his things for home in the mix but most were not things I would let Oliver play in the dirt in:(

Pictures

Day one of fostering!

Holy cow I am exhuasted! What a day today was for all of us. Oliver had speech therapy this morning. The social worker/case manager was supposed to be at our house at 12:00 but we were both running late so they got here about 12:30. She forgot the custody letter and phone numbers that I needed along with other pertinent information. She didn't even know if the kids had eaten. WHATEVER! I got to work with the system I have been give not try to fight it, right? So she left me a hungry 4 year old boy who is very lonely and sad, a 13 month old little girl who is more like 6 or 7 month old in size and in development, a dirty diaper bag with 2 outfits for the baby, some diapers, baby food and a nebulizer. Nothing for poor John.

So, we had lunch. Chicken nuggets, mini corn dogs, tater tots, carrots, and fruit what every 2 and 4 year old boy loves. John warmed up to me pretty quick asking for ranch and more food:) I fed the baby two jars of stage 2 baby food and some juice from a sippy cup. She did feed herself some Gerber puffs. Then I made some calls. Lizzie goes to speech, occupational and physical therapy on Tuesday mornings. So, tomorrow we will go to them (bmom is coming, not sure about how I feel about it). And John and I got to talk to his preschool teacher and so he is going back there tomorrow! He is very excited and his teacher was much relieved to hear from both of us. She said the fact that he is talking to me is huge, he is very very shy.

The baby barely napped, not sure how to get her down. Going to ask Mom tomorrow for how to accomplish it amongst other things. Oliver and I rocked and had a bottle but no nap for him either. I am hoping to change all that, I could really use an hour break. Oliver and John had a lot of fun today playing together. John can't believe all the toys and the swing set in the backyard and got big eyed over the pool and water. After an early dinner (Lizzie threw hers up all over) we all got in the car and went to meet their former (for a week) foster mom to get John's suitcase and for me to get a quick demo on a nebulizer.

Home for baths and bed. Lizzie went down at 7:00 and the boys at 8:00 with no problems. John gave me a hug and a kiss. He was so excited to get two drawers in the nightstand next to his bed in Oliver's room and a toothbrush that he got to pick from my stash. So sweet! He had some rough times today, welled up with tears that he misses his mom. Oh, the cutest thing....Lizzie had to have her finger and toe nails clipped and he then wanted his done, then Oliver his. It was just too cute that they all wanted them done and all sat still as could be for me to do them.

How am I doing? It was a tough day, I missed my time with Oliver but know he was fine. He was having a great time and didn't seem to mind that I was having to tend to two other kids. I didn't get to focus on his eating like I should of but I will with time. I plan to do breakfast and lunch while John is at school which should help. John is in school 8:00 to 1:45 Monday through Friday. I am hoping as the days go by I learn better how to manage my time and juggle three kids. I was basically home alone with them today, Brynn was just home for a couple of hours that involved a nap....this has to be tough for her too. She isn't working too much this week and Don has a break between mini-terms so he is only gone Monday and Wednesday evenings this week. I just have to remember to ask God to guide me many times each day and to give me strength but overall it was a great day!

Tomorrow should be interesting and each day will get better!