Never forget that I love you! You are doing the right thing for these kids, as frustrating as it may be! One day, I will fix all wrongs in the system so people who actually deserve to be parents are parents.:)
Love,
Fred
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Crazy Day Tuesday
Oh boy, what have I gotten myself in to? Yesterday and today have been a bit overwhelming for me. I am feeling better at this moment short of the disaster my house has turned in to. For those who know me well, housekeeping is not one of my strong points so when I say it is a mess it is pretty bad. My kitchen counters are covered and my kitchen floor is disgusting and I am allowing a baby to crawl on it. I have 4 baskets of laundry to fold and put away. Tomorrow the social worker comes for her weekly visit in our last chat of the day today I told her to not look at my floors and she laughed.
John has become a silent stiff body most of the time expcept for his constant coughing. Breakfast and getting out the door was just about the end of my fostering. Fortunately he went to school and I was able to recover my whits. We decided going in to this that we would never call and ask to have children removed from us unless it was dangerous or detrimental for our other kids. I know people who have had attachment difficulties and have disrupted their adoptions/placements and never really understood it but have tried to be supportive of them. Well this last week has opened my eyes to their plight. John has challenged my patience, love and understanding unlike any 40 year old has much less a 4 year old. It is not that I blame him or don't understand that it is an unbelievably horrific experience that he lives every day. But, when you have child who refuses to speak to you, acknowledge you or be a participant in the simplest of tasks it really challenges you. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have violent children or those with much more severe issues than John. Deep down he is a really sweet little boy and he was the one that sat at the dinner table tonight but from the time I woke him this morning till about 4:30 I didn't see him. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
This morning after our disasterous start, Oliver, Elizabeth and I went to Oliver's speech therapy and Elizabeth's PT, OT and feeding therapy. We got stuck in traffic (spring break and spring training make for a nightmare) and were late. Don met me there to take Oliver to his therapy while I attended Elizabeth's. You can only imagine Oliver running around while I try to pay attention to E. So Mom was there again this week. She got a bit confrontational with me about Sunday and the kids' care or in my opinion lack of it. In court on Monday (unsuccessful) my version of things was present by their social worker and guardian ad litem. I cut Mom off and said my responsibility is with the kids and I have a duty to report everything that occurs. She had the dirtiest feet...overgrown toenails that curled with black stuff under them and in the cuticles...I almost hurled! She took about 5 or 6 phone calls on her cell phone and was more interested in debating everything with me than seeing what we can do to help Elizabeth. I try to work with her several times a day on the floor. She is crawling all fours and wasn't last Tuesday:)
We then went to lunch with Don and picked John up from school. Brought Oliver home to spend time with Brynn. I look John and Elizabeth to John's doctor to figure the cough out. He refused to cooperate with his exam:( But just has croup, he is better already!
Enough complaining! I do like it but just wish I could get ahead of the game. I don't seem to find time for other things and know the kids aren't ready for me to have others care for them. We will figure this out. We may only have John till mid April when there is the next hearing. Little E will probably be around for a while. I have decided from now on we will only have one baby for a foster child. Of course being me I will change my mind:)
John has become a silent stiff body most of the time expcept for his constant coughing. Breakfast and getting out the door was just about the end of my fostering. Fortunately he went to school and I was able to recover my whits. We decided going in to this that we would never call and ask to have children removed from us unless it was dangerous or detrimental for our other kids. I know people who have had attachment difficulties and have disrupted their adoptions/placements and never really understood it but have tried to be supportive of them. Well this last week has opened my eyes to their plight. John has challenged my patience, love and understanding unlike any 40 year old has much less a 4 year old. It is not that I blame him or don't understand that it is an unbelievably horrific experience that he lives every day. But, when you have child who refuses to speak to you, acknowledge you or be a participant in the simplest of tasks it really challenges you. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have violent children or those with much more severe issues than John. Deep down he is a really sweet little boy and he was the one that sat at the dinner table tonight but from the time I woke him this morning till about 4:30 I didn't see him. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
This morning after our disasterous start, Oliver, Elizabeth and I went to Oliver's speech therapy and Elizabeth's PT, OT and feeding therapy. We got stuck in traffic (spring break and spring training make for a nightmare) and were late. Don met me there to take Oliver to his therapy while I attended Elizabeth's. You can only imagine Oliver running around while I try to pay attention to E. So Mom was there again this week. She got a bit confrontational with me about Sunday and the kids' care or in my opinion lack of it. In court on Monday (unsuccessful) my version of things was present by their social worker and guardian ad litem. I cut Mom off and said my responsibility is with the kids and I have a duty to report everything that occurs. She had the dirtiest feet...overgrown toenails that curled with black stuff under them and in the cuticles...I almost hurled! She took about 5 or 6 phone calls on her cell phone and was more interested in debating everything with me than seeing what we can do to help Elizabeth. I try to work with her several times a day on the floor. She is crawling all fours and wasn't last Tuesday:)
We then went to lunch with Don and picked John up from school. Brought Oliver home to spend time with Brynn. I look John and Elizabeth to John's doctor to figure the cough out. He refused to cooperate with his exam:( But just has croup, he is better already!
Enough complaining! I do like it but just wish I could get ahead of the game. I don't seem to find time for other things and know the kids aren't ready for me to have others care for them. We will figure this out. We may only have John till mid April when there is the next hearing. Little E will probably be around for a while. I have decided from now on we will only have one baby for a foster child. Of course being me I will change my mind:)
Monday, March 8, 2010
The weekend
The weekend flew by and I am sad to lose my helper with the kids a.k.a Don. John had a pretty tough weekend. He just breaks my heart. The kids had a visit with Mom yesterday afternoon and it was a disaster! I got a call from her friend half way through the visit to be told Elizabeth hadn't been taken out of her carseat the entire time and wasn't fed lunch (fortunately we sent John with his lunch in his hands). Not sure why this friend didn't intervene but I think she has had her fill of Mom. The visit was from noon to 3:00 and poor E never got lunch. The friend who was supervising took everyone to the park/baseball fields as it was her son's picture day. John played with all the kids, Elizabeth sat in her carseat and Mom talked on the phone. Anymore it just makes me mad. When I met everyone to get the kids back John threw up twice in the parking lot. All Mom said was "you didn't chew your food"...what the heck? His cough is awful and he is coughing up flem non-stop but I think this was more due to stress. I called the doctor when we got home and they said really he just has to get rid of the flem that has built up from not having nebulizer treatments for so long. Really sad, last thing this kid needs.
There is an emergency re-hearing this morning on the shelter of the kids. So, I was on the phone with the friend who supervises visits and the guardian ad litem several times trying to get all the information properly communicated. Mom moved in to a trailer on Saturday and is thinking she will get the kids back. The neglect portion of the case is all new and not really well documentate yet. Everyone involved says she won't be getting them back today. My thoughts are that she is too lazy and self-involved to take care of them properly. I know now why Elizabeth's head is so mishaped, she has spent way way way too much time in her carseat.
Church yesterday was interesting. Oliver was only too happy to go to the nursery after children's sermon while John wanted to stay with Mr. Don. Elizabeth was only happy to make the rounds sitting with all of our great friends whom are like aunts and uncles to our kids. John even dozed off on my lap for a few minutes and was super good playing on the floor during the sermon.
I just feel awful for these kids! Oliver seems to be doing well but is having a tough time getting enough sleep with the big change in our routine. Brynn is doing better and wanted to go to the hearing today to make sure these kids are not returned home. Please pray for these kids' well being!
There is an emergency re-hearing this morning on the shelter of the kids. So, I was on the phone with the friend who supervises visits and the guardian ad litem several times trying to get all the information properly communicated. Mom moved in to a trailer on Saturday and is thinking she will get the kids back. The neglect portion of the case is all new and not really well documentate yet. Everyone involved says she won't be getting them back today. My thoughts are that she is too lazy and self-involved to take care of them properly. I know now why Elizabeth's head is so mishaped, she has spent way way way too much time in her carseat.
Church yesterday was interesting. Oliver was only too happy to go to the nursery after children's sermon while John wanted to stay with Mr. Don. Elizabeth was only happy to make the rounds sitting with all of our great friends whom are like aunts and uncles to our kids. John even dozed off on my lap for a few minutes and was super good playing on the floor during the sermon.
I just feel awful for these kids! Oliver seems to be doing well but is having a tough time getting enough sleep with the big change in our routine. Brynn is doing better and wanted to go to the hearing today to make sure these kids are not returned home. Please pray for these kids' well being!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Forgot to mention
Oliver gave Miss Elizabeth a night (his blankie that is a diaper) yesterday when I was rocking her. Super sweet! And John wants a night but Oliver isn't ready to share one with him yet.
Day five
Things are continuing to progress well and we seem to be in a pretty good routing. John is really having a tough time. His behavior is getting worse but underneath it all we see a sweet little boy with a pretty damaged perception of the world. I know that it is going to be rough for a while with him as he learns to trust us. He is supposed to be going to some group therapy for kids to help with this. Hopefully that will happen soon. He did his nebulizer treatments great on Friday and got to go to the store and picked out a truck. As I type, Don is fighting him for his morning treatment. He got an "alligator" mask yesterday with his new nebulizer that he seems to like. It has stuff painted on it. I will take a picture and post soon.
I need a break at some point today.....just an hour away. Tomorrow the kids go with mom for a few hours in the afternoon but my in-laws are coming down for the day with some other family. Not sure when I will get my house looking presentable but who really cares, right?
I need a break at some point today.....just an hour away. Tomorrow the kids go with mom for a few hours in the afternoon but my in-laws are coming down for the day with some other family. Not sure when I will get my house looking presentable but who really cares, right?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Days three and four
Day three was interesting. It was a long day for me and I think Brynn too! She was a big help and we ventured out to Kohl's together. John asked her to push him in the cart:) I managed the two little ones in the double stroller, it is too wide for Kohl's! We made it 30 minutes unlike Brynn's anticipated 20 minutes round trip and never getting out of the car.
Elizabeth is a happier camper now that I have discovered her love of pacifiers! I find it very odd that Mom didn't clue me in to this before when I asked about settling her down. Today, we went to the doctor and the kids' guardian ad litem came with us. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without her! She is a very with it and fun retired lady who loves kids. She was a teacher all her life and ended her career at the high school alternative learning center in Ft. Myers. God love her! Got some good information from the doctor after a stressful and unpleasant start. Got E referrals for some specialists to properly evaluate her. And both kids are supposed to be on the nebulizer several times a day. So, we have had one delivered so far this evening and a second is on the way. Not sure why E's had to be replaced but hers is pretty grubby even after I scrubbed it. The tubing is green....
John has had a tough couple of days. Poor kid! Yesterday he was sad as he had talked to mom and she had visited Dad (against several court orders). Not really sure why Mom would tell him any of it. He was able to share it with Brynn. He really loves her. Today John had a field trip to the fair. Mom was given permission to go along as the kids' former temporary guardian was also going. She was there when we got to school today and was there when I picked him up. It really makes for a sad and upset kid. I really believe that overall it is good for the kids to have contact but in this situation it is all so upsetting for John. Also, Mom, former temp. guardian and the teacher are "friends" and I am concerned that John is being told that all of us are bad. It is like one kid walks in to the school and another walks out. I have talked to the social worker about it and we are going to see what can be done. The guardian ad litem also had the same concern and was relieved when I expressed my concerns. We will find a way to have the boy that was having the time of his life on the swingset today more of the time.
She gave me the ultimate compliment today. It felt really nice as she has been a GAL for many years. I am determined to help these kids and really don't care if I rock the boat doing it. I know they are going back to Mom and want them all to have a shot at breaking what appears to be a very sad, hard cycle of life in their family.
Little Elizabeth is a love! She is just 18 lbs. and is almost 14 months. The crawling is getting better and I am working with her on the floor a couple times a day on pulling up, etc. She just eats it up. The doctor couldn't explain her very flat head to me but my gut sure tells me. We had several great meals today and not one puking (except Johnn after his nebulizer treatment).....we are making progress as she threw up 3 times yesterday.
And, the O man and Brynn are hanging in there. I know it is very tough for them. Oliver seems to love having John around and even does try to help Elizabeth by offering her toys, sticker, and french fries! Brynn is being a really big help! She is overwhelmed by it all but is trying to overcome it. The last two days Elizabeth has napped from about 11:30-1:30 (give or take 15 minutes) which gives me a couple hours alone with Oliver. It really helps. I think we are finding our groove and it will continue to get better. I do see some of John's behaviors worsening and more acting out but we are going to start some therapy for that soon.
Don and I are tired but doing pretty good. I don't think either of us regret this at all. We are commited to John and Elizabeth as long as they are with us. I will not be a party to them being moved to another foster home. We both believe the only way to be foster parents is to stick it out. But, it is no where near anything we could even not want to be in. We do hope to learn for our future fostering though. Better know what we are equipped to handle, etc.
Ok, time for me to find the couch! Thanks to everyone for your love, support and concern and especially all the prayers. Speaking of which I am not keeping up in my own conversations with God! Yikes!
Tanya
Elizabeth is a happier camper now that I have discovered her love of pacifiers! I find it very odd that Mom didn't clue me in to this before when I asked about settling her down. Today, we went to the doctor and the kids' guardian ad litem came with us. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without her! She is a very with it and fun retired lady who loves kids. She was a teacher all her life and ended her career at the high school alternative learning center in Ft. Myers. God love her! Got some good information from the doctor after a stressful and unpleasant start. Got E referrals for some specialists to properly evaluate her. And both kids are supposed to be on the nebulizer several times a day. So, we have had one delivered so far this evening and a second is on the way. Not sure why E's had to be replaced but hers is pretty grubby even after I scrubbed it. The tubing is green....
John has had a tough couple of days. Poor kid! Yesterday he was sad as he had talked to mom and she had visited Dad (against several court orders). Not really sure why Mom would tell him any of it. He was able to share it with Brynn. He really loves her. Today John had a field trip to the fair. Mom was given permission to go along as the kids' former temporary guardian was also going. She was there when we got to school today and was there when I picked him up. It really makes for a sad and upset kid. I really believe that overall it is good for the kids to have contact but in this situation it is all so upsetting for John. Also, Mom, former temp. guardian and the teacher are "friends" and I am concerned that John is being told that all of us are bad. It is like one kid walks in to the school and another walks out. I have talked to the social worker about it and we are going to see what can be done. The guardian ad litem also had the same concern and was relieved when I expressed my concerns. We will find a way to have the boy that was having the time of his life on the swingset today more of the time.
She gave me the ultimate compliment today. It felt really nice as she has been a GAL for many years. I am determined to help these kids and really don't care if I rock the boat doing it. I know they are going back to Mom and want them all to have a shot at breaking what appears to be a very sad, hard cycle of life in their family.
Little Elizabeth is a love! She is just 18 lbs. and is almost 14 months. The crawling is getting better and I am working with her on the floor a couple times a day on pulling up, etc. She just eats it up. The doctor couldn't explain her very flat head to me but my gut sure tells me. We had several great meals today and not one puking (except Johnn after his nebulizer treatment).....we are making progress as she threw up 3 times yesterday.
And, the O man and Brynn are hanging in there. I know it is very tough for them. Oliver seems to love having John around and even does try to help Elizabeth by offering her toys, sticker, and french fries! Brynn is being a really big help! She is overwhelmed by it all but is trying to overcome it. The last two days Elizabeth has napped from about 11:30-1:30 (give or take 15 minutes) which gives me a couple hours alone with Oliver. It really helps. I think we are finding our groove and it will continue to get better. I do see some of John's behaviors worsening and more acting out but we are going to start some therapy for that soon.
Don and I are tired but doing pretty good. I don't think either of us regret this at all. We are commited to John and Elizabeth as long as they are with us. I will not be a party to them being moved to another foster home. We both believe the only way to be foster parents is to stick it out. But, it is no where near anything we could even not want to be in. We do hope to learn for our future fostering though. Better know what we are equipped to handle, etc.
Ok, time for me to find the couch! Thanks to everyone for your love, support and concern and especially all the prayers. Speaking of which I am not keeping up in my own conversations with God! Yikes!
Tanya
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Day two....
Today went better than yesterday but then again John went to school from 8:00-1:45 and Don came home at 4:00 and Brynn was home by dinner time. Oliver got his nap in today which was huge for him because he is such a sleeper. John is almost two years older and can do without a nap much easier. Elizbath is not a napper or a least I cannot figure it out. I guess I have been fortunate to get a 30 minute one out of her once during the day.
The mom is interesting. Sadly she isn't very educated and has no idea how to be an advocate or active parent to her kids. There is an older brother that lives with the maternal grandparents. E needs to get some help medically and Mom has no idea how to do it or that it really needs done. The kids' guardian ad litem and I are going to work together and get it done and help Mom to learn how to be her daughter's advocate. If you can't fight the system you might as well try and help the kids get better parents out of it.
Oliver and I had some time alone today which was nice and having two kids most of the day was better. I was proud of myself this morning when I had three kids fed, dressed with teeth brushed at 7:30 this morning including a nebulizer treatment! There is hope for me yet!
I ran out while E was at therapy today and got John shoes that fit, socks, underwear and a pair of clearance jeans. He proudly showed it all to Don and Brynn tonight at separate times. He is so excited about it....we picked out tomorrows outfit which also was a shirt with the tags on it (Target clearance that I bought for O), new socks, new shoes, etc. He cannot believe he has Lightning McQueen underwear. Just breaks my heart, I will never think of a new pair of shoes the same again in my life. His mom is going on a field trip with his class on Thursday and he is already planning what to wear for his mom to see. I know it gave Brynn and Don some perspective today too.
Okay, the cute thing is....John is taking to Brynn! He came and took her hand tonight and asked her to play trains and to read him a bedtime story. I know my daughter's heart will be forever changed by this one little boy. Oliver sure did! They also packed up his "old" clothes in his suitcase together to save for when he goes home. I will be sure to send him home with lots of his "new" stuff too! I did keep a couple of his things for home in the mix but most were not things I would let Oliver play in the dirt in:(
The mom is interesting. Sadly she isn't very educated and has no idea how to be an advocate or active parent to her kids. There is an older brother that lives with the maternal grandparents. E needs to get some help medically and Mom has no idea how to do it or that it really needs done. The kids' guardian ad litem and I are going to work together and get it done and help Mom to learn how to be her daughter's advocate. If you can't fight the system you might as well try and help the kids get better parents out of it.
Oliver and I had some time alone today which was nice and having two kids most of the day was better. I was proud of myself this morning when I had three kids fed, dressed with teeth brushed at 7:30 this morning including a nebulizer treatment! There is hope for me yet!
I ran out while E was at therapy today and got John shoes that fit, socks, underwear and a pair of clearance jeans. He proudly showed it all to Don and Brynn tonight at separate times. He is so excited about it....we picked out tomorrows outfit which also was a shirt with the tags on it (Target clearance that I bought for O), new socks, new shoes, etc. He cannot believe he has Lightning McQueen underwear. Just breaks my heart, I will never think of a new pair of shoes the same again in my life. His mom is going on a field trip with his class on Thursday and he is already planning what to wear for his mom to see. I know it gave Brynn and Don some perspective today too.
Okay, the cute thing is....John is taking to Brynn! He came and took her hand tonight and asked her to play trains and to read him a bedtime story. I know my daughter's heart will be forever changed by this one little boy. Oliver sure did! They also packed up his "old" clothes in his suitcase together to save for when he goes home. I will be sure to send him home with lots of his "new" stuff too! I did keep a couple of his things for home in the mix but most were not things I would let Oliver play in the dirt in:(
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