Sad to say

I am say to say but we had to pass on the little girl we had thought was meant to be our daughter. Don and I are both a bit sad about it but her needs became more apparent to us on Monday when we were told she may have autism. The doctors that reviewed her records were suspicious she may have a hearing loss. However, cognitively she was a 2-3 month old and she is 26 months old. Something we cannot deal with the two boys. Also, how much do you give our other children to deal with when we are gone, etc.

My heart is very heavy about it. But, I know we will find our little girl! We are planning to stick with China and our time frame shouldn't change too much hopefully! But it will happen when God decides we are all ready.

The orphanage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UpWImDEHiY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW20cJpAd4A

No news but I am still knocking out the paperwork...................

I spoke with our agency on Friday but they don't have the update from China yet. It is a process as the update has to go from the orphanage to the CCWA (China's gov't office) and then to our agency and then it has to be translated. They don't know where it is, "maybe on someone's desk somewhere"? Ugh! So we wait! This is definitely one of the downs of adoption. When you are just being a parent you forget all these headaches and heartaches.

However, I am not letting it hold me back. Sadly, there are more children out there looking for families than anyone of us wants to realize so we will be fine. With China we can just get our dossier done and then wait for a referral of a child much like we did for Oliver. The big difference is that China issues a list in the middle of the night once a month and the agencies snag the kids off of them. You have three days to make a decision and you have to hurry! So, there is no real time delay.

My devotion today talked about stress and heartache leaving you the closer you are to God and so I must let Him carry this one for me. Honestly, we are trying to proceed as if all is well. I am not out shopping for little girl things though. I cranked out all of the paperwork that arrived in the mail today in a couple of hours while Matson napped . I also found how to get our dossier packet tucked away in all the information so I emailed our agency for that. We have our first homestudy visit on Wednesday and hope to do the other two within a few weeks. My goal is to send everything to our agency ready to go to immigration on May 1st but I will be happy with May 15th. I did all our child abuse checks for our social worker so there would be no delays!!! Once we get our HS we can start applying for grants to help us pay for this adoption. We don't entirely have that all figured out yet. I am confident it will come with God's help!

Praying and worrying

The last 12 hours have been stressful for me. We ended up finding out the she is in the orphanage that we thought and is under the care of ICC! Fabulous news! However, the former director of the orphanage who is now the director of ICC in China emailed me last night and told me that the update of her medical records is done and has been sent to our agency. She went on to say she cannot discuss her case or medical with us as it is a violation of the Hague Convention. But, that we need to get her updated records to fully understand her condition and care needed. Oh, this makes my heart heavy....beyond her heart condition, we know that her head circumference is small and it could mean that she is mentally "challenged", we know that a year ago they felt she was developmentally delayed....or it could mean she is a small little peanut. All children who are institutionalized have delays, no way around it. We are prepared to deal with that and realize that we are probably going to be back in the speech, physical and occupational therapy game to help her catch up and some children never do. No problem. However, we are not prepared to have a child that will never be able to be independent as an adult. We are just too old and cannot knowingly burden our other 5 children with this either.

So please pray for her well being and us in this decision. My heart and mind are heavy. It will be a long day waiting for 9:00 Pacific time to call our agency and locate the updated medical records! Feeling blessed that my best friend, Donna and her Kirov cutie are here with us this weekend to help keep me grounded. There is no coincidence that she is here for this as she is my rock so often and will smack me when needed, she is here for a reason! I love you, Donna!

Found her guardian angels!

For those of you don't know, our princess has a pretty severe heart condition and somehow made it all the way to the University of Shanghai's Children's Hospital for open heart surgery. We know a guardian angel was watching and caring for her to make this incredible journey and save her life! So just searching on the internet for her orphanage and I found the organization that is working in her orphanage and are most certainly the ones who saved her!

I have emailed them and hope to at least thank them!

http://english.chinaconcern.org/about/locations/hengyang

And so the Baers Den Grows again!

We are super excited to announce that God has found us a precious little girl half way around the world in China! She is two years old and we have made the commitment to adopt her. We are praying God will help us to get her home by Christmas.

The story to this little one:

Don and I have both always known that we would probably adopt another child one day. Our lives were forever changed on February 4, 2008 when we walked in to an eerily quiet orphanage in Kirov, Russia. I can still smell and hear that place. I tear up thinking about it. And to think our son lived there for 8 months of his life. It is not where God wants children to grow up, He wants them to know the love of a family.

We started fostering because we could. I believe it is our duty as Christians to help the needy and the orphans of the world are the neediest. Oliver is growing and thriving in our family. We cannot imagine our lives without him, it is truly hard for me to believe I didn't birth either of the boys. We know that Matson was our miracle gift and so with his adoption tax credit we are paying it forward.

I frequently think about how I need to become closer to God. I am very firm in my faith and have what I consider to be a close relationship with God. However, I do not know the bible well and always feel it is one of my shortcomings as God's child. He calls, I follow and I talk to Him constantly. So I keep thinking if I started doing devotions each morning it will help me to grow, so I should make it my New Years resolution. On New Years Day this year I thought "once again I am not starting my devotions. Went to take Oliver to a movie and he decided he didn't want to see it so we went shopping and Brynn joined us. In Marshall's I saw a pretty book with lavender on the cover and I picked it up. It was a devotional starting on January 1st and it was $4.99. Thump thump thump! So every morning since it is how I start my day. LOVING IT!

Our thirteenth anniversary was in January. We left the boys with my parents for the weekend for the first time ever and went to St. Augustine for some couple time. On Sunday morning we were taking our time getting ready to head out for the day. I put my devotional on my bag to do in the car on the drive from Jacksonville to St. Augustine. Then I thought "why wait, do it now" so I did. It was about patience and letting God work his ways. To me it meant "be patient for Don's heart to be ready for our next adoption, let God work". Don asked me what it was about. And I told him, honestly I thought about lying to him. Well, it lead to a very tearful conversation and Don admitting he knew and that it was ok for me to push this time. He fought me with both of the boys and says all the time God knew and got the last laugh. I wanted him to come to me and be ready this time.

We headed down to St. Augustine and stopped at Village Inn for breakfast and their was an article in the paper about adopting from foster care, older kids, etc. So the conversation went on about how we both know after fostering that we cannot adopt a child older than our Oliver, maybe one day but not while he is so young. We don't want younger than Matson as we are getting older and are tired of babies and diapers. We both want to adopt what others may see as unadoptable. Don thinks our child is in foster care, I think he/she is in an orphanage.

We get to our new fancy smancy hotel and get on the trolley tour for the day. We end up feeling banged up and get off. We decide let's find some lunch. We walk through a street market and I am looking at amber jewelry (feel in love with it in Moscow) and I hear "nyet, nyet" and more in what I think is Russian by two ladies looking at the table next to me. I look for Don and he is way down the street. I catch up and tell him about the ladies. And he says "why didn't you say something to them?" and I said "I never know what to say, but could have since Oliver isn't here". We decide to go to Scarlet and Rhetts for lunch but cannot find a seat so down the street we go. We got to Sara's Crepe Cafe and guess what it is? A Russian cafe playing Russian music and filled with Russian things. We had lunch of pelmeni and belini. I cried and I think Don was a little teary too.....

So, I have spent the last 6 weeks on an investigation to find the right path for us. It seems to be China. Foster adoptions is not our avenue, inquired all over the place and to get a child between the boys in age that wouldn't require lifetime care is not going to happen anytime soon. Russia is too expensive. Ukraine to risky as it is all blind travel with no guarantees. Don is too old for some countries. And then I found our little peanut on a photo listing and as Don says "I knew you wouldn't let her go".....

There is more to the story and I will share as time goes on but please know I know without doubt God has me by the hand this time!

Goodbye 2011!

I am sitting home on New Years Eve with the boys all tucked in for the night, Don working and thought I should post a long over due post on our year, it has been crazy busy! If you don't know why just read and you will soon find out........

DON - Don received the promotion of a lifetime on October 1st. He was promoted to Battalion Commander of Life Safety (Fire Marshal) of North Naples Fire Control District. We was also accepted in to the master's program at Florida Gulf Coast University and is starting in January. It was a blessing in disguise when he couldn't get registered for classes in August due to an immunization/antibody glitch. He is excited to start on his masters so one day he can become a fulltime faculty member. He continues to teach at Edison State College a couple classes each semester. Too say he is busy is an understatement. He is still an awesome dad and husband!

TANYA - Busy staying home and raising kids. I turned 40 in May and we had a great family cacation at the beach with all the kids! LOVED IT! We had a three year old foster daughter from March until November this year. And, we ended up with J and E coming back to us in early August and they moved to different foster homes the end of October. It was a tough decision to move them but we think the right one for them. E needed much more care than we could give and given the dynamics of our relationship with them and their family it wasn't healthy for the kids to stay. Sad! We had 5 kids for 3 months, for a while they were 5,4,3,2 and 1 years old. I was was tired but did enjoy it! Now we are taking a break from fostering and I am going back to being a guardian ad litem (child advocate in the foster system). Hopefully, it will allow me to give the kids more time while still doing what my heart yearns for.

MICHELLE - Michelle had a very exciting year! In late May her and her boyfriend, Ben moved to Brooklyn, NY. Ben is doing a 5 year residency in orthopaedics there. They are doing really well and have adjusted to big city living. Michelle is working at infertility clinic and enjoying it. She works four 10 hour days each week and has extra time to explore the great city! We hope to venture that way this summer. She is headed home the end of January. I cannot believe we haven't seen her in so long........

STEPHANIE - Steph is doing awesome! She is preparing to graduate in May and looking forward to finding a job that doesn't involve waiting tables. She is also interested in pursuing her masters. She had a great internship in the fall working for a non-profit in Tampa. Her plate was a little full but it worked out in the end. Will be interesting where 2012 takes her. She visited Michelle for Christmas along with their mom and her husband. I keep wondering if she will be drawn to live closer to her sister......

BRYNN - Brynn has had a busy busy year. She didn't return to Stetson in January but instead returned to Edison to continue working on her degree. Part of the draw was her boyfriend here and some uncertainty about where she wanted to be. She was in an apartment for most of the year but moved home in October to prepare for her return to Stetson in January 2012! She has been working at Stir Crazy waiting tables outside of her class schedule. We are confident that she is going to soar at Stetson and do great things!

OLIVER - Oliver has had a busy year! He turned 4 in April and in August he started at Classical Christian Academy on Monday and Wednesday for Pre-K4. I do a homeschool curriculum on Tuesday with him. On Tuesday and Thursday he goes to a 2.5 hour speech class at a local elementary school. He met his goals in November and could be release from the program at anytime. He is learning to read and loves all things school related. His teacher said he is a "teacher's dream"........hard to believe in February we will celebrate four years of loving him......not sure where the years have gone.

MATSON - My holy cow busy boy! He had a wonderful birthday in June, double celebrations in Florida and then in Omaha with all the family. He took his first steps on his birthday! It was so cute. There is no stopping him! He has a mouthful of teeth and can climb anything. Other parents comment at the park at how well he plays and keeps up with the big kids. Having 4 older kids to keep up with this fall did him a world of good. He is an all around toughy and just loves to go!

May you have a wonderful year ahead! We look forward to seeing what 2012 holds for our family!

Tanya