Well it has been a long time since I updated everyone on the goings on. It has been a really crazy month. Brynn graduated magna cum laude from high school on June 5th and we had lots of family come to town to help us celebrate. Hard to believe she is headed off to college 2 months from today seems like yesterday she was toddling around getting in to mischief! She is going to Stetson University in DeLand where he grandmother lives. When she was very young, we would drive through the Stetson campus and she would say "I am going to go to college here." Dreams do come true!
I decided last week to not take Elizabeth back when she steps down from medical foster care. I just wasn't excited about the amount of time she would require of me and to continue my or our involvement with the kids' bio family. They continue to smoke around the kids and their asthma continues to flair up as a result. The mom likes to constantly cause drama amongst the child welfare people, John's teachers, Lizzie's foster mom and me. I am just burned out. So last week I talked to Don and he agreed. I also spoke with Lizzie's foster mom and she thought Lizzie would be fine in another foster home. So I let them all know of our decision last Thursday. We decided that once John goes home we would take a month or so off from fostering to take a family vacation to Omaha, to get Brynn situated at school and for Oliver to start his 2 day a week speech class. And that we would get a fresh start in September.
Well that all changed today, a short 5 days after the "decision".......it started off with Oliver taking every magazine out of my Nebraska copper tub and bringing a magazine to me with a baby on it and saying "dat Lizzie". He sees her once or twice week and seems to miss her. So, I asked him "do you miss Lizzie?" "Yes" he replies. So then I say "would like to have another baby around here?" "Yes." he again replies. A short while later (maybe 30 minutes) the phone rings and it is Lutheran Services general number, I really don't want to answer as I am sure it is about another of the bio mom's complaints. I answer it instead of procrastinating the inevitable. It was the new placement coordinator wanted to know what age children we were willing to accept. "the younger the better" is my response. "So you would take a newborn?" My heart melts at the words. I love the innocence of a newborn, the ease of their inability to talk back, the lack of baggage that comes with a newborn. So I say "Can I call my husband and call you back in 5 minutes?" I know what Don is going to say but figure I can convince him. He of course says "NO!" and then I explain the situation and that I already told them about our vacation and they said no problem they would get respite care. And he goes for it!
So baby Angelo has arrived! He is sweet and just 7 days old. He comes with a sad story. All I know is that his mother has lost previous kids and his father passed away this last week. There are family members of the father's that have expressed an interest but they are not holding out hope. I drove down to the hospital after Brynn got home from school and picked him up in the NICU. The nurses were awesome and gave me a quick refresher course as it has been 18 years since I had a newborn. It was so nice to hear kind words about taking him, when we all know that I really do this for my own desires and needs. He is doing good and we are enjoying him. I think he is probably a blend of Caucasian and Latin/Hispanic but I am not sure. He has a "Caucasian" last name.. For now he is "Baby". The boys love him and Brynn is watching him from across the room. I didn't rate for good night kisses from the boys but he did. And, he has already been to Target! I will update more as I can!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Miss Elizabeth may be returning!
I found out from Elizabeth's medical foster mom yesterday that they are planning to release Elizabeth from medical foster care sometime the end of June. The kids' case manager supervisor was out to visit us yesterday but didn't know anything about it. Elizabeth has an appointment on the 21st with a craniofacial surgeon/specialist. That appoinment will tell Children's Medical Services more about her future treatment. If she needs surgery or many appointments on the East coast of Florida, she may stay where she is longer. Also, there is another hearing on the 26th regarding their mom's request for reunification. Not excited about them going back to a situation that I know isn't great or even good for them but I do know it is out of my hands. I will update everyone as I hear more. No one seems to know anything certain, as usual!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Long Overdue Update
Sorry I haven't posted in way too long but things have been a bit crazy but much better around here. Elizabeth was moved to medical foster care on Friday, April 23rd. She doesn't have cystic fibrosis but needed more care than is to be expected of a "normal" foster mom. I am much relieved to not have all of her added therapies to try and accomplish each day. Her new foster mom has been fostering for 12 years. She is a retired nurse and has the time to give Elizabeth. She is her only little one, she has a son who is 12 that she adopted through foster care and her 52 year old daughter and her husband live with her. She and her daughter spend their day caring for Elizabeth. I also am very happy as it gets Elizabeth in the Children's Medcial Services system. She now has a nurse assigned to her along with a case manager for her medical conditions. She will be in their system for a long time and once she is reunified with her mom, the services continue. She is going to see a craniofacial doctor in Miami in a couple weeks to see about reshaping her skull. This is something I couldn't manage time wise and once she is fitted with a helmet she has to go to Miami every 2 weeks, just not feasible with two boys.
John is doing better, his behaviours have improved but I continue to learn more and more alarming things about him and his previous life. All of which, I sadly know, he will return to:( Breaks my heart. Reunification will probably take place sometime this summer. We are looking at unsupervised visits starting the end of May, they usually happen for 4-8 weeks before we start overnight visits for 4-8 weeks and then if all goes well reunification will happen. We are hoping to be out of town most of the month of July so I am not sure how it will all play out. Elizabeth's foster mom offered to take John for a couple of weeks, if needed. I really don't want them to have to move him but know that is what may happen. We were initially told we would have the kids 30 to 60 days.
Don graduated with his bachelors of applied science in public administration this past Thursday and Saturday Michelle graduated with her bachelors of science in nursing!!! We have been busy getting our house and yard back in shape and then had much of Don's family come for graduation this past week. Brynn is done with classes and graduates on June 5th!! She is going to Stetson on August 14th to start the next chapter in her life. I am sad but so excited for her to live her dream. She is making her mama proud!!!
John is doing better, his behaviours have improved but I continue to learn more and more alarming things about him and his previous life. All of which, I sadly know, he will return to:( Breaks my heart. Reunification will probably take place sometime this summer. We are looking at unsupervised visits starting the end of May, they usually happen for 4-8 weeks before we start overnight visits for 4-8 weeks and then if all goes well reunification will happen. We are hoping to be out of town most of the month of July so I am not sure how it will all play out. Elizabeth's foster mom offered to take John for a couple of weeks, if needed. I really don't want them to have to move him but know that is what may happen. We were initially told we would have the kids 30 to 60 days.
Don graduated with his bachelors of applied science in public administration this past Thursday and Saturday Michelle graduated with her bachelors of science in nursing!!! We have been busy getting our house and yard back in shape and then had much of Don's family come for graduation this past week. Brynn is done with classes and graduates on June 5th!! She is going to Stetson on August 14th to start the next chapter in her life. I am sad but so excited for her to live her dream. She is making her mama proud!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Need to make some decisions
I am deeply saddened to say that I am starting to rethink this placement and maybe fostering.....I really hate to face the reality of it for John and Elizabeth. I just feel like I am drowning in puke, pee, poop and snot. Not to mention the never ending doctors' appointments and medical testing, and then there is the horrible child welfare system that we are all subjected to be a part of. This system is not designed for the welfare of the children but instead how the government can cut costs at the expense of the kids. The rights of the parents outweighs the interests of the children by 10 to 1.
Last week we found out that the kids' case manager had quit her job (not that I blame her) and to date no one has been assigned to take her place. I have been told that they are extremely short staffed due to budget cuts and people quitting as their pay has been cut. Tomorrow is court and I am really not sure who knows this case well enough to represent it to a judge.....but the reality is that I don't think it really matters. Mom is going to get these kids back at some point and will never be the mom that these kids deserve! I am feeling so down right now that I really don't care if John is ordered back tomorrow but I know that won't happen because 5 weeks after mom moved, no one has done her homestudy yet so it cannot happen.
John continues to have more accidents than I can handle, I think even Don is tired of clean up. The daycare that I finally got them both in is not sure if they will allow him to stay because they don't want to clean them up. No one has an answer how to help him and make the regression improve anytime soon. He continues to be hyperactive, rude and bossy but then again sweet at times. I totally see in him the domestic violence that he witnessed, to him that is the normal way to treat people. He has gone from not being able to count to 3 just 6 weeks ago to consistently counting to 12. He is quickly learning his alphabet too! But then John does something terribly disturbing and I find myself dreading being with him. Not a proud thing to admit.
Elizabeth really is a mess. She screams more than anyone wants to listen to, hours on end if not the center of my attention. She does this to her daycare lady too! Her feeding issues are better! However, we went to a pulminologist last week and he is suspicious she has cystic fibrosis. If you are someone who has known me long you know that this disease is near to my heart. A fellow classmate of mine from elementary through high school (he was also a neighbor) had it and also a close friend of mine in high school had it. They both passed away at young ages and I know the really sad reality of it. I am praying constantly that it is not Elizabeth's future. She has all the symptoms and today the pediatrician seemed to agree with the pulmonologist:( Nothing less than heartbreaking.
I would like to recap my last day and a half so you all can see what a day in the life is and please be honest if I am not being right to question my decision:
Tuesday
6:00 up and at am to shower, etc
6:50 get kids up and fed
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth, dress boys brush teeth
7:35 leave to take John to school
8:00 drop John off
8:20 return home to pack Elizabeth food for feeding therapy
8:45 leave to drive to South Fort Myers
9:30 therapy for Elizabeth and Oliver
11:25 a.m. - leave PT, OT and feeding for Elizabeth with bio-mom and grandpa/speech for Oliver in South Fort Myers (Healthpark)
11:25-12:15 drive back to North Fort Myers to drop Elizabeth off at daycare/feed Oliver and I McDonalds in the car on the way
12:30 p.m. - pick up John
1:00 - arrive home and fold two loads laundry
1:30 - John mental health counselor arrives for play therapy/try to put Oliver down for nap
2:15 - guardian ad litem arrives to talk to counselor
2:45 - everyone leaves
2:45 - 5:00 - clean up house, entertain boys (Oliver never napped)
5:00 - leave to pick up Elizabeth
5:30 - return home
6:00 - dinner -John throws up during dinner and goes to bed with many tears, etc. and is running fever
6:30 - bath Elizabeth and then Oliver
6:50 - 7:10 Elizabeth nebulizer treatment
7:15 - Elizabeth bottle and bed
8:00- Oliver to bed
9:00 - Don arrives home
9:30 - Brynn arrives home and I get to eat dinner
10:00 - off to bed for me
Wednesday
5:30 a.m. Don gets up and I start stirring
6:00 up and in the shower
6:30 boys are both up on their own, Don gives them breakfast
6:50 wake Elizabeth and feed her breakfast
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth and get John to get dressed
7:35 out the door to take John to school
7:50 approaching the school when Elizabeth pukes up her breakfast in her carseat
7:55 drop John off
8:20 arrive home to bathe Elizabeth, clean carseat, pack bags for day and eat breakfast myself and move laundry around and then locate old carseat for the day
9:15 leave to drive back to South Fort Myers for Elizabeth's speech therapy
10:00-30 speech therapy
11:00 Elizabeth's 15 month well baby visit, turns in to sick visit due to fever and ear infection
12:00-12:30 drive to pick John up, eat Wendy's in the car - told John may have head lice
1:00 drop John and Elizabeth off at daycare (probably shouldn't have)
1:30 call to come pick kids up
2:00 back home
Am I crazy??? Or is it really a lot to do? In between I am cleaning up all the bodily fluids I can find. Elizabeth's nose runs 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. Maybe I am just a whiner... (could be!) I did call today and say "I need help" only to be told they are too short staffed to do much more than move the kids to a new foster home. I am hoping something will happen in court tomorrow or at John's school meeting Tuesday or something or we may be moving the kids......
Last week we found out that the kids' case manager had quit her job (not that I blame her) and to date no one has been assigned to take her place. I have been told that they are extremely short staffed due to budget cuts and people quitting as their pay has been cut. Tomorrow is court and I am really not sure who knows this case well enough to represent it to a judge.....but the reality is that I don't think it really matters. Mom is going to get these kids back at some point and will never be the mom that these kids deserve! I am feeling so down right now that I really don't care if John is ordered back tomorrow but I know that won't happen because 5 weeks after mom moved, no one has done her homestudy yet so it cannot happen.
John continues to have more accidents than I can handle, I think even Don is tired of clean up. The daycare that I finally got them both in is not sure if they will allow him to stay because they don't want to clean them up. No one has an answer how to help him and make the regression improve anytime soon. He continues to be hyperactive, rude and bossy but then again sweet at times. I totally see in him the domestic violence that he witnessed, to him that is the normal way to treat people. He has gone from not being able to count to 3 just 6 weeks ago to consistently counting to 12. He is quickly learning his alphabet too! But then John does something terribly disturbing and I find myself dreading being with him. Not a proud thing to admit.
Elizabeth really is a mess. She screams more than anyone wants to listen to, hours on end if not the center of my attention. She does this to her daycare lady too! Her feeding issues are better! However, we went to a pulminologist last week and he is suspicious she has cystic fibrosis. If you are someone who has known me long you know that this disease is near to my heart. A fellow classmate of mine from elementary through high school (he was also a neighbor) had it and also a close friend of mine in high school had it. They both passed away at young ages and I know the really sad reality of it. I am praying constantly that it is not Elizabeth's future. She has all the symptoms and today the pediatrician seemed to agree with the pulmonologist:( Nothing less than heartbreaking.
I would like to recap my last day and a half so you all can see what a day in the life is and please be honest if I am not being right to question my decision:
Tuesday
6:00 up and at am to shower, etc
6:50 get kids up and fed
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth, dress boys brush teeth
7:35 leave to take John to school
8:00 drop John off
8:20 return home to pack Elizabeth food for feeding therapy
8:45 leave to drive to South Fort Myers
9:30 therapy for Elizabeth and Oliver
11:25 a.m. - leave PT, OT and feeding for Elizabeth with bio-mom and grandpa/speech for Oliver in South Fort Myers (Healthpark)
11:25-12:15 drive back to North Fort Myers to drop Elizabeth off at daycare/feed Oliver and I McDonalds in the car on the way
12:30 p.m. - pick up John
1:00 - arrive home and fold two loads laundry
1:30 - John mental health counselor arrives for play therapy/try to put Oliver down for nap
2:15 - guardian ad litem arrives to talk to counselor
2:45 - everyone leaves
2:45 - 5:00 - clean up house, entertain boys (Oliver never napped)
5:00 - leave to pick up Elizabeth
5:30 - return home
6:00 - dinner -John throws up during dinner and goes to bed with many tears, etc. and is running fever
6:30 - bath Elizabeth and then Oliver
6:50 - 7:10 Elizabeth nebulizer treatment
7:15 - Elizabeth bottle and bed
8:00- Oliver to bed
9:00 - Don arrives home
9:30 - Brynn arrives home and I get to eat dinner
10:00 - off to bed for me
Wednesday
5:30 a.m. Don gets up and I start stirring
6:00 up and in the shower
6:30 boys are both up on their own, Don gives them breakfast
6:50 wake Elizabeth and feed her breakfast
7:10 nebulizer for Elizabeth and get John to get dressed
7:35 out the door to take John to school
7:50 approaching the school when Elizabeth pukes up her breakfast in her carseat
7:55 drop John off
8:20 arrive home to bathe Elizabeth, clean carseat, pack bags for day and eat breakfast myself and move laundry around and then locate old carseat for the day
9:15 leave to drive back to South Fort Myers for Elizabeth's speech therapy
10:00-30 speech therapy
11:00 Elizabeth's 15 month well baby visit, turns in to sick visit due to fever and ear infection
12:00-12:30 drive to pick John up, eat Wendy's in the car - told John may have head lice
1:00 drop John and Elizabeth off at daycare (probably shouldn't have)
1:30 call to come pick kids up
2:00 back home
Am I crazy??? Or is it really a lot to do? In between I am cleaning up all the bodily fluids I can find. Elizabeth's nose runs 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. Maybe I am just a whiner... (could be!) I did call today and say "I need help" only to be told they are too short staffed to do much more than move the kids to a new foster home. I am hoping something will happen in court tomorrow or at John's school meeting Tuesday or something or we may be moving the kids......
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Weekend in Review
We had a fun but crazy weekend and Easter. On Friday the kids had their Easter visit with their Mom. John had to start the day off to a really bad start by having a bm in his underwear and trying to hide it/cover it up. Let's just say it was not a fun job cleaning up the mess. It is obviously behavioral because the "accidents" seem to correlate with the visits....so sad. He starts therapy tomorrow here at the house, I am praying it helps him. I am not sure how many more of these things I can take. I feel bad for him but also know that it is somewhat within his control. The visit itself seemed to go fine and John was fine when I got him back, his behavior wasn't the greatest but he also didn't scream and cry this time.
After they got home we loaded up and headed to Orlando to spend Easter with our parents. The drive up was great. We stayed with my mom and step-dad and spent Sunday morning with Don's parents. The three kids are a bit much for anyone much less our parents who are used to pretty quiet lives.....they all did pretty great. For some reason John was super hyper all weekend, not sure if it was the change in environment or what....who knows? Elizabeth did pretty well. Oliver was wanting some alone time with the grandparents and John had some jealousy issues. Overall pretty great though...the drive home was not so wonderful but we made it one piece.
Elizabeth has started daycare and I am much relieved. I am trying to get John in the rest of this week as it is spring break and he is pretty overwhelming for me to handle 24 hours a day. Not the proudest thing I have ever said but it is honest. The kids are a bit much to handle all day everyday. I am home 2-3 days a week all day by myself as Don has school in the evenings right after work. I think having a bit of down time will be good for all of us.
After they got home we loaded up and headed to Orlando to spend Easter with our parents. The drive up was great. We stayed with my mom and step-dad and spent Sunday morning with Don's parents. The three kids are a bit much for anyone much less our parents who are used to pretty quiet lives.....they all did pretty great. For some reason John was super hyper all weekend, not sure if it was the change in environment or what....who knows? Elizabeth did pretty well. Oliver was wanting some alone time with the grandparents and John had some jealousy issues. Overall pretty great though...the drive home was not so wonderful but we made it one piece.
Elizabeth has started daycare and I am much relieved. I am trying to get John in the rest of this week as it is spring break and he is pretty overwhelming for me to handle 24 hours a day. Not the proudest thing I have ever said but it is honest. The kids are a bit much to handle all day everyday. I am home 2-3 days a week all day by myself as Don has school in the evenings right after work. I think having a bit of down time will be good for all of us.
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